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Unless you’ve been living under a rock in a cave on Mars these past eight years (which sounds like sounds like a pretty sweet alternative to live in these United States, tbh) then you’re probably aware that no one knows how to get the entire internet all riled up quite like Donald John Trump.
The inimitable 45 flexed this talent in a new and intriguing way over the weekend when he publicly predicted that he would be arrested on Tuesday.
“The far [and] away leading Republican candidate [and] former president of the United States of America will be arrested on Tuesday of next week,” the former prez and current drama queen wrote on his Truth Social platform.
Trump attributed his knowledge of the plan to “illegal leaks” from the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office.
He concluded by encouraging his followers to take action, writing:
“Protest, take our nation back!”
Well, as you may have noticed, Tuesday has come and mostly gone, and as far we know, the Donald is still a free man, imprisoned only by his own crippling addiction to Big Macs.
So what gives?
Well, for starters, it’s worth noting that our initial source on all of this is Trump himself.
So right now it’s like everyone in the media is playing a game of telephone with a drunk toddler and just repeating whatever nonsense he babbles into their ear.
That said, there is reason to believe that the Manhattan DA is pursuing an indictment against Trump in connection to the hush money he allegedly paid adult film star Stormy Daniels in 2016.
And there’s a very good chance vaunted Apprentice host will soon be brought up on charges.
“There has been no notification, other than illegal leaks from the Justice Dept. and the DA’s office, to … fake news carriers, that the … Democrat prosecutor in Manhattan has decided to take his Witch-Hunt to the next level,” a rep for Trump told Axios on Monday.
“President Trump is rightfully highlighting his innocence and the weaponization of our injustice system. He will be in Texas next weekend for a giant rally.”
Yes, some things never change, and a giant rally remains Trump’s answer for everything.
The man is a full-blown rall-coholic.
Anyway, Trump didn’t get arrested today, but that doesn’t mean it’s not gonna happen.
Insiders say the grand jury deciding the case had one more witness to hear on Monday, and the delay might be a result of that testimony spilling over into Tuesday.
If the grand jury decides to indict, we probably won’t see a handcuffed Trump being a led on a perp walk, as his lawyers will almost certainly arrange a time and place for the Florida resident to surrender.
The indictment might even take place remotely, which is admittedly less exciting, but it might be for the best.
After all, no US president has ever been arrested before, so it’s important to handle this matter delicately.
Besides, all the worst MAGA chuds would get way too much self-pitying pleasure from the sight of Trump being dragged off to jail.
By the end of the day, at least 400 Jacksonville residents named Darryl would have elaborate back tattoos of Trump wearing a crown of thorns and dragging a giant cross while being jeered at by the NYPD.
These may be uncertain times, but that’s a development you can bet on.