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One of the best times for many game developers to add outrageous features to their creations or con fans into thinking strange updates are being made is on April Fool’s Day. Over the past ten years, Riot Games has been known to join in the fun, and this year, they’re going a little further with VALORANT.
Riot released a list of patch notes for a “upcoming” VALORANT update as part of today’s shenanigans. At first glance, the list seems fairly standard, but upon closer inspection, it is simply the development team parodying popular memes in the community. These patch notes are merely a practical joke and do not actually describe any additions to the game. If you need more information about For April Fools’ Day, VALORANT pranks its fans with false patch notes then read carefully and don’t forget to share with your friends.
For April Fools’ Day, VALORANT pranks its fans with false patch notes:
The patch notes include:
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AGENT UPDATES
- Now, wingmen can shoot firearms
- say less—our bestie, Wingman, can now pull up onto site with an Op
- Brimstone’s beard is nearby, adding rapid fire.
- We were unable to refuse Brim after he gave us a firm handshake and looked us in the eye.
COMPETITIVE UPDATES
- Valuable e-dater users in Ranked will be automatically routed to a special queue where they can only communicate via voice.
- Even though cuddling season is over, if you and your partner want to link over VALOROUS without getting completely merked by your teammates, we’ve got you covered, family.
GAMEPLAY SYSTEMS UPDATES
- Now, shots fired from within the spawn area will strike enemy spawn.
- map control is mid anyway
- Jett Dash’s cooldown has been changed to 0.5 seconds and is now based on cooldown rather than charge.
- Because we adore Jett and automobiles, we gave her a 0.5 second dash cooldown. Jett boutta pull up skinny skrt skinny
MAPS UPDATES
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- Breeze is the only map left at this time, and it includes cabanas and Adirondack chairs.
- Your timeshare is now open for business once more.
MODES UPDATES
- Suss Teammate Mode is a solo queue with the scoreboard and communications disabled.
- because, for example, choose a struggle and stop bottom-flagging.
PERFORMANCE UPDATES
- Now, In-Game Leads’ Agent faces will have a “aged” effect applied to them.
- When I was your age they used to say, “youth is wasted on the young.” Different times.
PROGRESSION UPDATES
- You can now progress the Battlepass on your stationary bike
- not you forgetting to complete the last Battlepass
SOCIAL UPDATES
- Use of “VALORANT Accent” in voice comms is now automatically translated
WEAPONS UPDATES
- We’ve seen the online debate over whether Vandal or Phantom is superior. We are taking the Vandal out of the shop to help with the decision.
- Your friendship with Vandal ended, and now Phantom is your best friend.
Numerous updates to existing agents’ skills, some of which completely alter how the agents function, are among the strange changes listed in these patch notes. For instance, Jett can dash every 0.5 seconds rather than having to wait for the ability to charge, and Gekko’s Wingman is listed as having the ability to pick up and use any gun at its disposal. Players’ fire rates would even rise just by being close to Brimstone’s beard.
By announcing that the Vandal would no longer be available for purchase in-game and that everyone’s go-to, trouble-free map Breeze would be the only one in the pool with brand-new furnishings, Riot further catered to VALORANT memes. And if you’re sick of hearing couples in your games, don’t worry—with these hypothetical patch notes, any flirting in Ranked would be moved to a voice channel for just those two players. It’s clear that Riot is more than willing to amplify memes within the community, so be careful not to fall for their tricks. Despite the fact that none of these changes will actually be added to VALORANT at any point in the near future.
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