Billionaire LeBron James Whines About Not Being Able to Go to Target Like 'Regular People'
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In this episode of Sometimes Life Sucks for LeBron…

Poor LeBron James is frustrated, America, as he damn well should be. Turns out life as a world-famous billionaire NBA superstar isn’t as glamorous as it’s cracked up to be. Not even close. For example, LeBron can’t even go to Target, for heaven’s sake — like “normal people.” Oh, the humanity!

And to undoubtedly make LeBron’s non-normal-person life even worse, he surpassed Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s career regular-season points total of 38,387 to become the NBA’s all-time leading scorer on Tuesday, as my colleague Jerry Wilson reported. Yup, the tragedies just keep piling up for this guy.

While the controversial limelight-loving Los Angeles Laker insisted he wasn’t complaining during a recent interview in Indianapolis following a win over the Indiana Pacers, he did whine several times that his fortune and fame can at times be “challenging,” as reported by The New York Times.

I don’t want to say it ever becomes too much, but there are times when I wish I could do normal things. I wish I could just walk outside.

I wish I could just, like, walk into a movie theater and sit down and go to the concession stand and get popcorn. I wish I could just go to an amusement park just like regular people.

I wish I could go to Target sometimes and walk into Starbucks and have my name on the cup just like regular people.

“I’m not sitting here complaining about it, of course not. But it can be challenging at times,” exasperated LeBron exclaimed. Of course he was complaining — LeBron James always complains and he always plays the victim. He’s friggin’ LeBron James; it’s what he does.

But why does he complain so much? You’d have to ask him, but my guess is James can never get enough attention. You know; like AOC, except a tad smarter.

Nonetheless, if you’re in need of a tissue or two after reading LeBron’s tragic story, be my guest, below.

You’re welcome.

Incidentally, LeBron James’s estimated net worth of $1 billion doesn’t come solely from playing basketball. Not even close. As reported by Breitbart, only about $41 million of the self-appointed social justice warrior’s fortune comes from the NBA. The remainder comes from shoe, movie, and clothing deals, the vast majority of which comes from Nike — among the dozens of international corporations linked to slave labor in China.

Nike itself is heavily invested in the Chinese market and reportedly raked in roughly $6 billion in China in just the last year. “Coincidentally,” James is one of Nike’s biggest-selling names in the Chinese market.

Anyway, I can only write so much about LeBron before I need to move the hell on. There’s far more important stuff to write about. Just don’t tell King James.

And LeBron? Shut up and dribble.

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