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DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old niece has struggled with substance abuse, leading her to drop out of high school and spend years bouncing in and out of rehab. She is about to leave a residential treatment program and is seeking a place to stay. Her parents have set strict “house rules” that she disagrees with, including remaining drug-free and avoiding her boyfriend.
While I wish I could help, I have three children of my own and cannot accommodate her. Meanwhile, my elderly father has stepped forward, offering her a place at his home. This concerns me greatly, as he is barely managing his own affairs, both financially and physically. We already assist him with numerous daily tasks and are exploring home health care options for when he finally agrees to more assistance.
The idea of him taking in a troubled teen seems destined for trouble. My father believes he can handle it, but realistically, he is not equipped for this responsibility. While one might hope she could help him in return, I doubt this would happen. I’m also uneasy about the safety implications of her and potentially her friends being in his home.
Unfortunately, my father is adamant about his decision and refuses to heed warnings from me or her parents. Her social worker, citing privacy concerns, won’t engage with me either. I am deeply worried and want to safeguard my father from what seems like an impending disaster. How can I address this situation before it spirals out of control? — CONCERNED IN MISSOURI
DEAR CONCERNED: It appears that you may have limited influence over your father’s decision. However, staying closely connected with him is crucial so you can keep an eye on developments. If the situation takes a turn for the worse and begins to endanger his well-being, you may need to consider involving local authorities or social services to intervene.
DEAR ABBY: I have a nephew and niece who are in their 20s. As teens and adults, they chose not to acknowledge gifts. I stopped sending them anything as a result.
I have recently learned my nephew is engaged. He will be eloping and then having a family reception in a few months. Nobody in my family has met his fiancee. I do not live in the same town they do. Would it be wrong to not attend the reception? I have never said anything to their father (my brother) about his kids’ lack of acknowledgement. I know my mother will give me grief, because she did a few months ago when I didn’t attend my niece’s graduation party. — STAYING AWAY IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR STAYING AWAY: I understand you are miffed because you weren’t thanked for gifts you gave your niece and nephew when they were younger. However, I am sorry you didn’t attend your niece’s graduation and even sorrier that you are planning not to attend your nephew’s wedding reception.
Are you estranged from your brother? Aren’t you the least bit curious about the young woman who will be joining your extended family? By pouting and not having a conversation with your brother about your feelings, you are effectively estranging yourself from that branch of the family, which I feel is a mistake.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.