The Challenge of Online Dating in your 50s: Like a Dangling Carrot

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After 30 years of online dating, is it still worth taking a chance in the quest for love? Watch Insight’s episode The Dating Gamble on

Finding love again in your 50s after ending a 25-year marriage is daunting to say the least.

But as my son said: “If you want to find someone Mum, you have to get with the times”. So, five years post-divorce, I jumped online.

Putting yourself out there isn’t easy but I hoped to find a man who would be respectful, kind and caring.

Unfortunately, I discovered most men online are only looking for one thing — and it’s not being in a committed monogamous relationship. 

While I’ve heard some stories of people finding love online, the majority tell of dating nightmares, one-night stands and people being ghosted (when communication ends suddenly without warning or explanation).

There are now more than a thousand dating apps and websites worldwide (potentially even thousands).

These platforms compete hard for our hard-earned bucks and generate billions of dollars.

However, with some apps, I’ve felt like I’ve been given fake likes and been matched with fake profiles. For example, after ‘matching’ with someone, I’ve tried to chat with them online but received nothing in response.

A woman with a neutral expression with the ocean in the background.

Linda suspects that some of the people she has interacted with on dating apps may not be human. Source: Supplied

I’ve also learnt that deleted profiles sometimes stay on the app. Now, if I cancel an account, I always make sure to take down my photos and clean out my bio.

Dating sites do whatever they can to entice you to keep paying them, and deleting your account is not always easy.

On one occasion, the app kept withdrawing payments from my bank account so I had to cancel my card. When I spoke to someone at the bank, they told me this was a common problem. 

Sex and robots

Over the past few years, I’ve had some wonderful conversations with men I’ve met on apps, but when I tell them where I live, which is 140km from Melbourne, I never hear from them again.

I suspect it’s because they’re only after one thing. I see men in their 50s and 60s state in their bio that they only want ‘short-term fun’.

Some even admit that they are married, which I find disturbing.

With bots now infiltrating dating sites, I know that I won’t always be messaging a human. Conversations will be AI-generated, which is just another trick to keep subscribers engaged.

In my fraught quest to find love, I have at times felt like I’m not worthy and that something must be wrong with me.

But now I’ve learned that it’s not me, it’s the way these apps work. They dangle a carrot that you can never reach.

Finding love feels virtually impossible.

A selfie of a woman in a restaurant with a neutral expression on her face.

Linda has discovered that dating apps have little incentive in actually helping you find love. Source: Supplied

Crushing our souls

True connections are what we all crave; they make us feel alive.

The process of meeting someone, having a few dates and then realising a bond is growing and you’re falling in love is exhilarating.

Apps are killing this process, turning dating into cheap, short-term thrills where women are disposable and easily replaced.

I know there are decent men in this world, I just haven’t met many online.

Maybe they were there once but like me, have given up on the endless cycle of swiping left or right to no avail.

With dating platforms having such an integrated presence in modern life, I believe an overhaul of the industry is long overdue.

I would like to see many of these sites shut down or regulated to ensure that we’re paying for genuine connections with real people.

Unless more of us speak up and call out this industry, nothing will change.

The people who control these dating apps have no concern for our mental health or quest for love.

They will continue to take our money while crushing our souls.

And for more stories head to , hosted by Kumi Taguchi. From sex and relationships to health, wealth, and grief Insightful offers deeper dives into the lives and first-person stories of former guests from the acclaimed TV show, Insight.

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