Hoist on their own pee tract!

An incident involving a hipster patron recently caused a commotion that quickly spread online and made its way to the mainstream media. The customer claimed on social platforms to have developed a UTI after visiting a trendy spa in Williamsburg.

However, upon further investigation, an attorney representing the spa had a realization about the situation: he theorized that the individual might have contracted the infection not from the spa’s facilities but from engaging in other activities.

The legal expert then composed a letter to the customer, delicately implying that the UTI was more likely the result of their sexual endeavors, which they had openly documented on other online platforms.

There was something of a virtual pile-on last month after a number of influencers and other online commenters claimed to have had unsavory experiences at low-lit retreat Bathhouse in the trendy Brooklyn neighborhood.

New York Magazine’s Curbed blog picked up the story, as did the New York Post. (The spa has rigorously denied all the allegations, and says that multiple routine and special visits from the New York City Department of Health have found no irregularities).

The spa fired off a number of legal letters to various people with inflamed tempters (some with allegedly inflamed other bits, too) who had made the incendiary posts.

But one contained a rather pinkeye-catching detail.

Attorney Adam P. Gilbert Esq., senior counsel at the firm of Nixon Peabody LLP, discovered that the same account that was used to complain about the alleged UTI was also used to crowdsource advice on a vexing sexual relationship they were in, with somewhat graphic depictions of their intercourse.

While other letters that Gilbert sent to people who’d made allegedly defamatory claims simply asked them to remove the posts from social media and laid out the legal recourse in the event that they did not, in the letter to our horny and aggrieved Williamsburger he helpfully (and mortifyingly) noted: “The likelihood that anyone developed a urinary tract infection from Bathhouse is virtually zero [since it] operates a state-of-the-art system that exceeds the requirements of the NYCDOH….. Moreover, other posts by you describe your sexual behaviors that, at a minimum, increase your likelihood of a UTI from sexual activity – rather than from a visit to Bathhouse.”

Appropriately: sick burn!