“I was a big secret,” she continued to the Times. “I wondered, ‘Why doesn’t somebody introduce me to someone who could help me out?’”

However, once she found success above ground, her feelings shifted. “When I was no longer down under there,” she continued, “I missed it.”

And just as Alice followed in her family’s footsteps, so did Gabourey. Since earning an Oscar nomination for her debut role in the 2009 film Precious, the 41-year-old—who shares twins Cooper and Maya, 12 months, with husband Brandon Frankel—has gone onto star in American Horror Story and Empire. Despite her success, though, she hopes to protect her kids from a public-facing life.

“There’s a very strange thing where I’m a mom and I’m a mama bear,” Gabourey told People in an interview published April 5. “I’m protective of my kids, but because of what I do for a living, I kind of expose them to this bigger world that I hope that they never find out.”

She added, “I really would like to hide…the world from my children, and I will for as long as I can.”