DEAR ABBY: Since I was young, my mom has always seen me as wise, thoughtful, and intelligent. She shares family problems, issues at church, and gossip from work with me. I don’t want to be her sounding board anymore. It’s tiring to constantly listen to her complaints when I know things won’t change because she often misinterprets situations and assumes the worst about people.

It’s frustrating that I can’t open up to her in the same way. Our relationship feels one-sided, and I don’t think she makes an effort to understand my point of view. At times, it feels like I’m the parent in this dynamic. She doesn’t confide in anyone else and is resistant to seeking therapy. As a high school senior preparing for college, I worry about leaving her like this. How can I support her? — CAPTIVE CONFIDANT IN IOWA

DEAR CAPTIVE CONFIDANT: To help your emotionally reliant mother, it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being first. Start by focusing on your college plans and creating physical distance between you and your mom.

The next time she starts confiding (which, from what you have written, seems more like gossiping), tell her you don’t have time to listen and that she should discuss it with a contemporary who has more life experience than you. (It’s the truth.) She won’t like hearing it and may try to make you feel guilty, but don’t fall for it. 

Keep repeating to your mother that her problems are more than you can handle and that talking to you about them hasn’t helped her, which is why you want her to talk with a licensed mental health professional. That, my girl, would be the best way to help your mother.

DEAR ABBY: I have a disagreement with my fiancee. “Fran” has been a widow for nearly six years. I have been divorced for 34 years from a woman who gave me two sons. Fran also has a son and a daughter, who live nearby. We have been dating for four years. She has her own place, and I have mine, but we live less than two miles apart. 

Our disagreement is about two portraits of her late husband she has hanging in her home, in plain sight for everyone who comes into the house to see. I have asked her to remove them, but she refuses. In order to see her reaction, I put my wedding photos with my ex-wife on display. When Fran saw them, she hit the roof and demanded that I take them down. I told her no, since she refuses to give her son and daughter her portraits. Can you provide us with any advice? — PICTURING A PROBLEM IN FLORIDA

DEAR PICTURING: Grow up. Fran’s husband is dead, gone and not a threat to your relationship with her. He is, however, part of her history, and if you can’t accept that, it’s time to deal with your insecurities. Retaliating by hanging pictures from a marriage that didn’t make it to the finish line 34 years ago was petty. If gazing at those wedding photos actually brings you joy, keep them on display, but that’s not really why you did it, is it?

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.