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A viral podcast clip has sparked discussions about soft sexism and hidden misogyny, and the importance of women’s financial security.
In an excerpt from, host Chris Griffin said he would not want his partner “working unless she wants to work” if it was going to lead to her “complaining” about her day when she got home.
Griffin went on to say he would like his partner’s eyes to “light up with excitement” when talking about her passions or daily activities, and used examples of collecting postcards and going on “hot girl walks”.
“It’s the calm, it’s the harmony, it’s the peace and love that a man that’s got a busy life that’s chasing his dreams needs when he’s trying to wind down,” he added.
He said he would “heavily encourage” his partner to go on walks with her friends to get “feminine energy”, talk, and “have a bit of excitement”.
“I don’t think a girl needs to go through challenge, pain and hardship to be an amazing girl. I think she can fill her day with passion-filled things and still be amazing.”
Laura Henshaw, co-founder and CEO of the Kic health app, shared the clip to her Instagram stories, saying she was concerned about the message it would send to young listeners about gender roles.
“As women, we do not exist to ‘serve’ our partners. To live out days so we can be in a ‘good’ mood for them,” she wrote.
Henshaw said it is important for women to feel empowered to make their own choices about their careers, work for financial independence, and build up superannuation for retirement.
Griffin later responded in an Instagram comment, saying his remarks were about supporting a partner’s purpose and joy, and that if a partner wanted to pursue a career, he would respect that.
He also said he did not think it was fair to label traditional views as “toxic”.
“I respect your view, I just don’t share it. And I know not everyone will agree with mine, but that’s okay,” he wrote.
“I’m not here to please everyone. I just stand by what I believe, with respect.”
Some followers agreed with Griffin, saying they felt his views reflected choice and freedom, and could have a place in a healthy relationship.
‘Misogyny in a bow’
Henshaw described the comments in the podcast as “misogyny in a bow” and said she found these attitudes “terrifying”.
“When you have a video where you’re in a professional studio, the video is high quality, you’ve got motivational music behind it … the misogynistic message is being framed in a way that is caring and loving, [that] is what is really scary,” she said.
“It’s masked up in this beautiful little bow when that’s not what it is at all.”
She said Griffin’s response had failed to address the full context of the issue, and said she believed the language throughout the podcast had been possessive and patronising toward women.
Henshaw also took issue with the way Griffin and his guest, YouTuber Wade Papenfus, spoke about their own career goals and passions, compared with women’s interests and ambitions.
“What’s so difficult within all of this is that the underlying message is that as women, we need a man to survive,” she said.
“We can’t be our best selves unless we have a man, we’re not born to work hard, we’re born to make a man happy … all of those messages that feel like we’re in 1950.”
She also said the content could send a harmful underlying message about gender roles and be detrimental to men.
“If we are putting pressure on men to have to provide for the whole family and do that on their own in the current economic climate, that is really toxic as well,” she said.
“That is really scary.”
‘Still patriarchy — just prettier language’
In a video on Instagram, anti-violence and gender equality advocate Tarang Chawla described Griffin’s comments as an example of soft sexism, despite sounding caring.
“It masquerades as men’s mental health or care for women or men, but it’s really modernised sexism that’s packaged in soft tones and inspirational music,” Chawla said.
“It idealises women as being ornamental, peaceful and emotionally nurturing, but still ultimately existing to serve a man’s wellbeing and ambition.”
He said this type of rhetoric is increasingly common in influencer and manosphere-adjacent spaces.
“And for a lot of women, that’s the message that came through loud and clear on Chris’s clip. He says: ‘We don’t need you to make money, we’re sorted’,” Chawla said.
“But the translation is ‘You can work, as long as it doesn’t interrupt my peace. Your labour is optional but your emotional availability, that’s non-negotiable’.”
Chawla said these attitudes are a “repackaging of a 1950s housewife”, with a woman’s emotional labour serving the man’s dream life.
“Telling women they don’t need to work as long as they stay soft, calm, and peaceful; it isn’t empowering. It’s control disguised as care, because this isn’t about her freedom or her independence, it’s about his comfort,” he said.
“When men centre themselves in what women should feel, do or be — even under the banner of support, it’s still patriarchy — just under prettier language”.
Chawla has publicly offered to speak with Griffin on his podcast, an offer Henshaw hopes the host will accept.
“I would hope that he could change the perspective on women for his audience, and it might mean that they respect women more, they respect them in the workplace, they respect them within their relationship,” she said.
“That’s where the opportunity is for him in this situation.”
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