Has capitalism caught you by the curls? Do you hanker for the haven of Hitler’s favorite financial format? If you’re flummoxed by entrepreneurial opportunity and chock-full of animus toward economic choice, Iowa State University (ISU) recently hosted a seminar that’s sure to see you swoon.

Toward the end of April, ISU offered “Anti-Capitalist Personal Finance with Leo Aquino.” From the event’s advertisement:

Leo Aquino is a non-binary Filipinx writer, journalist, and financial coach based in Los Angeles. They are known for their work in anti-capitalist personal finance, focusing on financial literacy and empowerment for queer and trans communities. Leo is the founder of Queer & Trans Wealth, an initiative dedicated to increasing economic empowerment and collective liberation.

Leo’s expertise stems from their experiences and conversations with economically diverse communities across the US. … Leo’s unique approach to finance is rooted in their commitment to uplifting BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People Of Color) and LGBTQ+ stories.

In a Rumble.com video clip of Leo’s speech, the empowering orator characterizes capitalism as cruel. If you suffer cash-based casualties, you’re probably not the problem:

“[E]veryone says, ‘I’m so terrible with money,’ right? Earlier, I was in a classroom that had 13 people in it. And I asked the…question, and 11 out of 13 people raised their hand [in agreement]. So, like, if that’s happening…I feel like it’s fair to say it’s not really those 11 individuals, necessarily, who are to blame…but [more so] the system of money.”

Leo realizes “ragging on capitalism” has become a fad. To avoid being lumped in with uninformed conformists, the expert furnishes a definition of the term. To be sure, Leo has succumbed to at least one trend: that of constantly ending assertions with the question of “Right?” Case in point: capitalism in a nutshell…

“A lot of people don’t really know, like, this is the definition of it, right? But this is an economic system where workers are required to sell our labor for a wage, and we use those wages to survive — to pay rent and buy food, et cetera. Um, under this system, we don’t control how our labor is used, we don’t control how the profits are invested. [Capitalism] often prioritizes profit over people, right?”

Brutality be thy name:

“This is a system that causes burnout, depression, anxiety. Um, capitalism is an oppressive system that profits from our lack of financial literacy, and also the interpersonal conflicts that we have…right?”

Coach Leo lays out an example of capitalist calamity: Imagine your pals propose meeting at a restaurant “that’s, like, three dollar signs on Yelp.” You can’t afford an expensive meal, so you pay with a credit card — you “just want to hang out with [your] friends, right?” The move snowballs “down the line into [you] having…greater conflicts.”

Maybe most malignantly, capitalism “necessitates” the following:

• Racism
• Ableism
• Homophobia
• Colonialism
• “All the other bad -isms”

How such -isms are compelled isn’t made clear; but Leo serves up the solution: Be an “anti-capitalist.”

“Anti-capitalism is the belief that our financial systems do not need to adhere to capitalist values for us to survive. So, um, in this case, workers do control their labor, right? Um, if you want a four-day work week, like, hopefully you work in a place where you are able to vote and say, ‘Yes, we’re all going to give each other a four-day work week.'”

A second scenario:

“[A] CEO…might say, ‘Oh, okay, we, like, made really good profits this year; let’s invest that in producing more bicycles’… … But you don’t really have a lot of say around that, right? … People who work in places where they get a say might say, ‘You know, instead of making more bicycles, like, let’s actually up our retirement contributions, right? Um, let’s get more healthcare benefits. Um, yeah, and it’s not necessarily about the growth and the profit and the success of the company. … To be an anti-capitalist, we must…stop putting the blame on ourselves…right?”

Anti-capitalism does sound super — how about we all vote to give each other a zero-day work week? Permanent vacation is paramount, bicycles be damned.

As members of the American co-op, let’s declare it right now. Stop pedaling your Peloton, and speak the words with me to make it so.