My husband's relationship with my brother is crossing the line
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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have enjoyed a wonderful three-year marriage. An exciting development came six months ago: I’m pregnant! This was truly amazing because we had faced challenges in conceiving, and I had nearly lost hope.

My concern is, from the time we started dating, my husband quickly became close buddies with my brother. Initially, I was happy that someone so important to me got along so well with my family. However, since our pregnancy announcement, they’ve become almost inseparable. They’re in constant contact through texts, and they seem to be going on hunting or casino trips nearly every weekend.

My husband explains that he’s just trying to enjoy himself before the baby arrives. Is it unreasonable for me to feel he should be spending more time with me, as I’m the expectant mother of his child? He is an excellent provider and loves me deeply when he’s home, but I can’t shake the feeling of being overlooked.

One evening, we were sitting on the couch watching TV and I happened to get a glimpse of his phone. I noticed he was texting my brother (as usual), but then I saw the text from my brother: “Goodnight babe,” with a heart emoji! I didn’t mean to snoop, but I was shocked and couldn’t unsee this. I immediately asked what was going on, and he very defensively told me it was an inside joke and that I shouldn’t be reading his texts over his shoulder. 


Two smiling men taking a selfie while traveling.
This Dear Abby reader saw her brother text her husband “Goodnight babe,” with a heart emoji. kleberpicui – stock.adobe.com

I feel crazy for even thinking what I’m thinking, but could something be going on between my brother and my husband? I don’t even know how to begin to confront this issue, and I’m afraid if I ask my husband point-blank, he will lie to my face. I feel lost and betrayed. Please help. — CRESTFALLEN IN COLORADO

DEAR CRESTFALLEN: As thrilled as you are about this pregnancy, your husband may be less so. In fact, he may regard the approaching arrival of his child as a door closing on having a life. There are straight men (“men’s men”) who prefer the company of men over that of women. Because you are afraid to confront your husband about what you saw, have an in-person talk with your brother and ask him why he sent a heart emoji to your husband. 


Upset young woman sitting on a bed, man sits in the background.
The reader wants to know if she should ask her brother if anything is going on. Dragana Gordic – stock.adobe.com

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for eight years. He lost his mom 22 years ago. Ever since her cremation, he has kept her ashes in the living room. It scares me because I believe in ghosts. I know it’s hard to let go of our dear ones. (I lost my own mom a few years ago, so I know the feeling.) How can I convince him to take the ashes out of the house or put them in the ground without hurting him emotionally? — SPOOKED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SPOOKED: Honey, if your late mother-in-law is coming back to haunt you, she will do it regardless of where her ashes are located. Yes, your husband is having trouble letting go of the remnants of his mother, but he’s hurting no one. She may “visit” you sooner if you push her out from under your roof. 


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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