Khloé Kardashian is getting completely honest about what it was like to reunite with ex-husband Lamar Odom for the first time in a decade.

“After seeing Lamar, that was so emotionally draining for me,” Kardashian, 41, said on the Wednesday, July 30, episode of her “Khloé in Wonderland” podcast. “I haven’t seen Lamar in, I think it was, 10 years. Not seeing someone for 10 years is crazy, but then, also seeing that person and being on camera, there’s a lot of different factors.”

Kardashian invited Odom, 45, over to her house on a season 6 episode of Hulu’s The Kardashians to return some of his basketball memorabilia she had stored in her garage.

“I hear people say, ‘Oh, she ambushed him with cameras.’ He knew about the cameras,” Kardashian clarified. “He actually picked the time, picked all of that stuff [and] he was very happy and fine with the cameras being there. It was definitely an out-of-body experience.”

Lamar Odom and Khloé Kardashian‘s onscreen reunion was even more awkward than expected. During the Thursday, February 6, episode of Hulu’s The Kardashians, Khloé, 40, reflected on her tumultuous marriage to Lamar, 45, after he briefly crossed paths with her friend Malika Haqq. “Lamar was and is definitely someone that I felt was the love […]

She continued, “When I was married to Lamar and he was in the height of the toxic things that he was doing to himself, Lamar would be late [and] he would be sweating. There would be a lot of signs of what he was doing, so when he showed up late — I’m not saying he was doing drugs — these things triggered something in me.”

Kardashian further explained on her podcast that she felt “really triggered” when Odom was tardy and physically sweaty when her friend Malika Haqq’s air conditioning unit broke during their reunion.

“I automatically went into protection mode, and I needed to protect myself. I sort of blacked out and was on autopilot,” she recalled. “I couldn’t have told you verbatim the things that I said. … I was in my fight-or-flight mode. I was, like, ‘I gotta protect myself. This is the way I’m gonna do it.’”

Kardashian filmed with Odom for approximately four hours.

Khloé Kardashian has recalled the emotional showdown with ex-husband Lamar Odom that ultimately signalled the end of their seriously troubled marriage. Speaking to motivational speaker Mel Robbins on the Wednesday, January 29 episode of her Khloé in Wonderland podcast, Kardashian, 40, opened up about the heartbreaking conversation with Odom that propelled her to file for […]

“It was such a long four to four and a half hours. It was sad because he was so strange to me,” the Good American founder said. “I didn’t know him, but yet I knew him so well. I didn’t think that I would feel that awkward around someone that I know so deeply and so well.”

While Kardashian stressed that her meeting wasn’t about getting “closure” for herself, she wouldn’t be “opposed” to seeing Odom another time.

“I wanted Lamar to have his belongings and give that to Lamar, but I’m not opposed to ever meeting up with him again in a more private setting just to see how that conversation goes,” she said. “After the fact of meeting with Lamar, it was so draining. I needed a few days to recover. I think that was more my subconscious was just through the wringer, but one of the strangest experiences.”

Kardashian and Odom were married from 2009 to 2013, when she filed for divorce. Kardashian ultimately postponed her motion after Odom was left comatose after overdosing at a legal brothel in Nevada. Kardashian served as Odom’s caretaker while he recovered and refiled for divorce in May 2016. It was finalized seven months later.