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One of my favorite TV shows was “Ink Masters.” I’m an artist (some of my haters hotly dispute that), so I was often enthralled with the good draftsmanship and artistry on the show. I was equally appalled that some people wanted an inked rendition of a bug, permanently, on some part of their body. I finally got tired of the tattooers and the tattooed. Even when I saw a finished piece that was a master-work of art, I still wondered, “Why do you want that on your body for the rest of time?”
Yesterday I saw the below, and although the clickbait is: “Isn’t this a terrible tattoo?” — it really isn’t a terrible tattoo, it’s just a silly tattoo. Why? That art cost a lot, and what’s the message? He’s Spiderman… under his skin? In 30 years, when he’s a grandpa, will a grandson ask if he ate Spiderman?
— kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) August 15, 2025
Two decades ago, 16 percent of the U.S. population had tats. It is double that now. And that’s the problem. I saw a 5’ 8”, maybe 110 lbs., dripping wet guy, mid-20s with a Māori-looking intersecting design on his arm like he was Dwayne Johnson. This guy was the size of one of Dwayne’s legs. He was so white he was translucent. He’d lose his lunch money to a 6-year-old girl. Maybe that’s why he’s so skinny – even his boss steals his lunch money. My point? Tattoos are not for everyone – I think they’re ok for about .001 percent of mankind. Maybe less.
The exceptions are: Polynesians/Pacific Islanders (The word tattoo comes from them, so even skinny Polynesians (oxymoron?) — they get a pass.) And guys who have served in the military, UFC fighters, gang members (doesn’t everyone want criminals to mark themselves?), and Russian and Japanese mobsters. There’s a pattern. Bad-asses and criminals should get tattoos, and they have a right to permanently ink their frames.
Who shouldn’t get tattooed? Well, there’s a lot. About 6.8 billion people, but specifically, those 110 lb. white guys, and may I add, attractive women. One stat I didn’t know, but based on what I’ve seen lately on social media, I should have guessed, is that there are more women tattooed than men. Go figure.
Guys who got bounced and then stuffed into lockers and robbed of lunch money and never played a game other than chess should be banned from being tattooed. There should be a law. When skinny, geeky guys show up at a tattoo parlor, they should be shown the door and given rub-on tattoos.
Attractive women with tattoos — I just don’t get. The tramp stamp was popular when I was paying attention to the lower backs of women. Is that still a thing?
Does your average tramp-stamping Karen ever wonder what her daughter will say when her daughter is 13? “Yeeeuuu! Mommy, why do you have a tattoo with an arrow pointed down?” “Mom, who’s ‘Crusher? ‘, and why is his name on your left breast?” Why people get tats of celebrities who don’t give two rips about them is baffling.
What’s compelling about this leg-insect? Yeah, it’s really interesting…for about 10 seconds. It’s on her leg — for the rest of her life.
