DEAR ABBY: My wife truly is the love of my life and has always been my dream girl. We used to have intimacy three or four times a week, but after her hysterectomy, her desire for sex has faded. She’s open to planning specific dates for intimacy, but often, she doesn’t follow through because it slips her mind, leaving me feeling undesired. Besides this issue, she is my ideal partner, offering happiness, support, and taking care of me in every other aspect.

I’m someone for whom sex is important. My previous relationships were filled with passion, and a satisfying intimate encounter boosts my confidence. Am I overthinking this? She is almost perfect, aside from her diminished sex drive. I have stayed faithful and have no thoughts of leaving her, so how can we address this? — LONGING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LONGING: It’s crucial that you have an open conversation with your wife about your feelings, just like you have shared with me. It might be beneficial for both of you to meet with her gynecologist to explore potential solutions. Since sexual drive is influenced by hormones, there could be a medical solution. If there isn’t, perhaps a consistent reminder on her calendar for scheduling intimacy might help ensure those moments are not overlooked.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy hosting small dinner parties and like to keep the size of the group to 12, which fits comfortably around our dining room table. If we move furniture, we can add extra tables and chairs, but as we get older, hosting a bigger group has become more difficult. 

During holidays, because we don’t have family in town, we like to invite others who are in a similar situation to join us, but we have more friends than will fit around our table. I have tried varying the group each year, but then people’s feelings are hurt if they’re not included the next year. Should we celebrate holidays on our own to avoid hurting anyone? — HAPPY HOSTESS IN OHIO

DEAR HOSTESS: You are fortunate to have so many friends. As hosts, you and your husband have the privilege of inviting anyone you wish to your holiday dinners. For someone to assume that, because they have been invited one year, they are entitled to celebrate with you in perpetuity is presumptuous. 

If anyone indicates their feelings are hurt at not being invited annually, feel free to explain (as you have to me) that you are glad they enjoy your hospitality, but you need to include other friends as well. It’s the truth. It’s not insulting. 

P.S. If you would like to do something different during the holidays, feel free to do so. Some folks give themselves a vacation at that time by getting out of Dodge.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.