Heartfelt Appeal from Lilie James' Father as Inquest Revelations Emerge

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This article contains references to domestic violence.

The parents of 21-year-old Lilie James, who was murdered inside a bathroom of a Sydney private school by her ex-boyfriend in 2023, spoke briefly outside court to issue a heartfelt plea.

“Please don’t report on positive comments, saying people are ‘good blokes, men, delightful’,” Lilie’s father Jamie James said.

“It’s not acceptable, it’s disheartening and it’s cruel.”

“Lilie had her life cut way too short and not a day goes by that we don’t think of her, or wonder what we could have done to prevent this from happening,” Jamie said.

“If it’s been some time since you’ve discussed violence or abuse against women, whether at home, at work, with friends, or within the community, I urge you to initiate that conversation.”

Young Caucasian woman with light brown hair posing for a photo in a black graduation cape and cap, with a light blue dress underneath. She is holding a small bunch of flowers and is standing in front of a green hedge decorated with pink balloons.

Lilie James tragically lost her life at the hands of her ex-boyfriend in 2023 at St Andrew’s Cathedral School in Sydney, where she had been employed as a water polo coach. This devastating incident underscores the critical need for ongoing dialogue about violence against women.

The NSW state coroner, Teresa O’Sullivan, poignantly described Jamie and Lilie’s mother, Peta, as possessing “a powerful presence in this court — their love and grief palpable.” Their emotional strength serves as a testament to the profound impact of this tragedy.

O’Sullivan’s findings reflected the importance of the James family’s request to refrain from “positive” reporting on alleged perpetrators of domestic or gendered violence in her formal recommendations.

“Media entities that report on intimate partner homicides should recognise that describing violence as being ‘out of character‘ … may reinforce unhelpful community stereotypes,” O’Sullivan said.

O’Sullivan expressed a sincere hope that Peta’s poignant message, along with the hard lessons drawn from this heartbreaking event, will resonate beyond the confines of the courtroom, fostering meaningful change and awareness in society.

Action needed on technology-facilitated abuse

O’Sullivan did not propose recommendations to any specific agency but outlined “lessons that may be learnt from this tragic case”.

She said education and information is needed to “identify and respond to coercive controlling behaviours, in particular emerging forms of technology-facilitated abuse”, with the inquest hearing Thijssen was using apps like Snapchat to harass and stalk Lilie in the days before her death.

“Individuals should be encouraged to actively consider their use of technology, and the need to share their location with others”, O’Sullivan said, emphasising a “need to target 16 to 24-year-olds”.

The coroner also recommended education and programs to raise community awareness, and advice services targeting young men to promote respectful and healthy relationship behaviour.

James was 21 when she ended her “brief relationship” with Thijssen, 23, just days before he “killed Lilie in a bathroom at St Andrew’s using a hammer”.

“Evidence indicates that Paul physically stalked Lilie on seven occasions, he carefully planned his attack and in the hours before the attack, he rehearsed the attack,” the coroner’s findings read.

“The preparation was calculated and was not a momentary loss of control. It was a premeditated killing.”

James “died from multiple blunt force injuries to the head and neck”, the coroner found.

After killing James, Thijssen “jumped or intentionally [fell] from the cliff at Diamond Bay Reserve in Vaucluse with the intention of ending his life”.

The court heard “Lilie and Paul are the youngest case” of intimate partner violence homicide-suicide in the dataset compiled by the Domestic Violence Death Review Team (DVDRT) established in 2010 under the Coroners Act 2009.

“I conclude by acknowledging the alarming and persistent scourge of gendered violence and domestic violence in Australia,” O’Sullivan said.

“Lilie’s death is not an isolated tragedy; it is part of a devastating pattern of violence against women that demands urgent and sustained action.”

She also acknowledged the grief felt by the parents and families of both James and Thijssen.

If you or someone you know is impacted by family and domestic violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732, or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au. In an emergency, call 000.