Gemma Collins on Celebrity Masterchef, by Jim Shelley
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When Gemma Collins graced the stage of Celebrity MasterChef, it seemed like a comedic sketch waiting to unfold—a culinary escapade that might veer off course. It was almost as if a scene from a French & Saunders parody had come to life, setting the stage for social media critics and jesters to have a field day.

Predictably, the jokes and comments flowed effortlessly online:

Picture Gemma indulging in her own creations before the judges had the chance to sample them, evoking laughter from the crowd. Imagine her serving up a main course that featured a delivery from Domino’s pizza, followed by the classic offering of a KFC bargain bucket, adding a whimsical twist to the competition. And who could forget the thought of her bewilderment at the sight of vegetables, pondering aloud, “What are these funny green things?”

Uncertain: There was something about Gemma Collins appearing on Celebrity MasterChef that just sounded like a farce, a recipe for disaster (literally)

Uncertain: There was something about Gemma Collins appearing on Celebrity MasterChef that just sounded like a farce, a recipe for disaster (literally)

* Gemma ‘serving a main course consisting of a delivery from Domino’s pizza followed by a KFC bargain bucket’

* Gemma asking ‘what are these funny green things?’ (Vegetables.)

In this day and age of fearless fat-shaming, even though she must have known she was putting her head on the chopping block (or rather her body) you wondered why she’d bothered.

Brave: In this day and age of fearless fat-shaming, even though she must have known she was putting her head on the chopping block (or rather her body) you wondered why she¿d bothered

Brave: In this day and age of fearless fat-shaming, even though she must have known she was putting her head on the chopping block (or rather her body) you wondered why she’d bothered

It was Gemma Collins though who had the last laugh, not for the first time.

There was one (obvious) thing all those people watching Celebrity Masterchef hoping/assuming her appearance would be a humiliating fiasco hadn’t factored in.

Gemma Collins knew plenty about food and how to cook it. Well she would do really…

OK, so she wasn’t ‘the new Nigella’ and her ‘chick pea stew’ was more like ‘a chickpea cocktail.’ But the main ingredients were chickpeas, onion, mushrooms, and courgettes and when she said ‘I am queen of the roast dinner’ she meant it. (No, not as a starter.)

Well done: It was Gemma though who had the last laugh, not for the first time, because she knew plenty about food and how to cook it

Well done: It was Gemma though who had the last laugh, not for the first time, because she knew plenty about food and how to cook it

It wasn’t Gemma Collins that was the ‘very basic cooker’ who prepared the judges the meal of chicken thighs – served with an omelette. An original but deranged idea even without the omelette being ‘filled with raw mushrooms, onion, and red pepper.’

Collins was clearly better than at least two of the other four contestants and sailed through into the next heat, despite Gregg Wallace considering that after the Mystery Box round she had been in danger of being eliminated.

As probably the biggest celebrity in this year’s line-up, that was always unlikely of course. 

Just as no-one was watching to see which dishes were concocted by Zoe Lyons, Monty Panesar, Stefanie Reid, or Chizzy Akudolu (a comedian, cricketer, Paralympian, and star of Holby City respectively).

As Collins likes to say, however viewers reacted, it was ‘all about the GC.’

Odd: Indeed, it wasn¿t Gemma Collins that was the ¿very basic cooker¿ who prepared the judges the meal of chicken thighs ¿ served with an omelette. An original but deranged idea even without the omelette being ¿filled with raw mushrooms, onion, and red pepper¿

Odd: Indeed, it wasn’t Gemma Collins that was the ‘very basic cooker’ who prepared the judges the meal of chicken thighs – served with an omelette. An original but deranged idea even without the omelette being ‘filled with raw mushrooms, onion, and red pepper’

Here are 12 moments from Celebrity MasterChef that were SO Gemma Collins:

1. ‘Who knows? I could be the next Nigella!’

Typically outlandish, classic Gemma Collins, quote that sounded stupid but was actually clever: the perfect TV soundbite.

2. ‘This is totally out of my depth. I’ve never done anything like this with serious people like you before. Like, you’re in front of me now and this is real life!’

Gemma Collins proving she no longer knew the difference between a TV show and reality. Especially as she said this to Gregg Wallace – one of the few people on television who is less serious than she is.

Bizarre: Gemma also proved she no longer knew the difference between a TV show and reality. Especially as she said this to Gregg Wallace - one of the few people on television who is less serious than she is

Bizarre: Gemma also proved she no longer knew the difference between a TV show and reality. Especially as she said this to Gregg Wallace – one of the few people on television who is less serious than she is

3. ‘You had two dishes in your mind and it still looks like two dishes’

Gemma told the judges she was making them a starter, even though they only wanted one course and then put the mango filled with crabmeat on the same plate as her stew – on the side, as if they wouldn’t notice. A cross between innocent and rebellious.

4. ‘Gemma has made chick pea and coconut stew flavoured with orange liqueur’

‘It’s a cocktail gone wrong!’ snarled John Torode. ‘On the way from the bar somebody’s walked past and dropped some chick peas into your pina colada! The crab, mango, and mascarpone was a really good idea. Don’t keep throwing things into a pot thinking it will make things better.’

‘Yeah I get it…’ shrugged Gemma, magnificently unbothered.

Hang on: She was also the first celebrity to use the chance of working in an exclusive London restaurant by getting the kitchen staff to do her job for her

Hang on: She was also the first celebrity to use the chance of working in an exclusive London restaurant by getting the kitchen staff to do her job for her

5. ‘You’re right. Too much. Tone it down a bit Gemma’

Toning it down a bit? Gemma Collins? A radical concept that could only have been more classic by the GC referring to herself in the third person.

6. Someone find me a Greek chef to marry now ! This to die for’

Fans of TOWIE would recognise Gemma’s reaction to tasting the sea bass baked in paper with Mediterranean vegetables capers and thyme oil she had to prepare in Fiztrovia restaurant Meraki. And the way she started dancing to the noise of the oven as the chef was trying to teach her how to make it.

7. ‘Do you want to put that in the oven for me hon’? Someone get me fish out! I need the fish! The fish!’

Gemma was the first celebrity to use the chance of working in an exclusive London restaurant by getting the kitchen staff to do her job for her.

Tasty: Gemma reacted to her last order of seabass with typical enthusiasm as the boss told her ¿this could be from a chef!¿

Tasty: Gemma reacted to her last order of seabass with typical enthusiasm as the boss told her ‘this could be from a chef!’

‘I feel like if I worked in a kitchen I’d be where this man is standing you know. I need to be the boss.’

8. ‘Gemma! Come back to the kitchen!’

Gemma must have been the first celebrity on MasterChef to wander out of the kitchen where she was supposed to be working to have a chat with a woman with a baby.

A real rebel commendably unable to take it seriously.

9. ‘It’s such a new experience for me. And it’s unleashing a fire in my soul !’

Gemma reacted to her last order of seabass with typical enthusiasm as the boss told her ‘this could be from a chef!’

Pals: Gemma¿s warm-hearted positivity towards Monty Panesar¿s dish of ¿roast chicken and an omelette filled with raw mushrooms, onion, and red pepper, served with some boiled mushrooms, courgettes, and sweet potato' 

Pals: Gemma’s warm-hearted positivity towards Monty Panesar’s dish of ‘roast chicken and an omelette filled with raw mushrooms, onion, and red pepper, served with some boiled mushrooms, courgettes, and sweet potato’ 

10. ‘Amazing. I love it! I love it!

Gemma’s warm-hearted positivity towards Monty Panesar’s dish of ‘roast chicken and an omelette filled with raw mushrooms, onion, and red pepper, served with some boiled mushrooms, courgettes, and sweet potato.’ 

11. ‘I’m gonna just focus on the food today. I’m not thinking about where I’m going on holiday this year or what I’m doing tonight’

Only Gemma Collins would consider this her Cunning Plan for the final round on Celebrity Masterchef.

12. ‘I’ve spent a lot of time in Spain and I just love seafood. So I wanted to share that with you. I hope you like it’

Gregg Wallace told Gemma that her prawns were ‘really nicely cooked’, ‘nicely presented’, and ‘very nice’ while her main course of seafood linguine (with prawns, squid, mussels, scallops, tomato and caper sauce) had ‘nicely cooked pasta. All the flavour is nice.’

John Torode’s critique was more articulate.

‘It’s honest, simple, tasty. Your capers are sharp. Your pasta’s cooked well. Lots of sauce. It’s a crowd-pleaser Gemma!’

Her speciality.

 

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