Amy Schumer seems to be navigating a whirlwind of changes, and it’s starting to raise eyebrows. After shedding both her marriage and a significant amount of weight, she appears to be grappling with her new reality. Recently, Schumer caught attention by posting a series of eye-catching photos on Instagram, reminiscent of Britney Spears’ posts. The images show her in a Manhattan apartment at night, striking poses in bikinis with a wide, somewhat unsettling grin. According to a source speaking to the Daily Mail, “She is trying to handle the divorce and adapt to her new appearance, but she’s still figuring it out. Everything is so fresh – her body transformation, her lifestyle change, and her recent divorce. It’s overwhelming.”

Indeed, it sounds like a lot to manage. The intensity in her gaze suggests she might be on the verge of something drastic. While her friends assure that “no one is worried she’ll lose control,” they remain vigilant, hoping for her well-being. Personally, the thought of being ‘monitored’ doesn’t sit well with me. I last discussed Schumer’s situation in early December, just before she publicly announced her split from Chris Fischer, after her social media antics sparked concern.

Back then, I noted how the comedian, once known for her fuller figure, seemed to have lost so much weight that her wedding ring slipped right off. In its absence, she flaunted her inner thighs and the worn carpet of her stairs. This commentary earned me a late-night Instagram message from Schumer herself, who admonished me for my lack of kindness. Perhaps she was right. Nonetheless, honesty compels me to speak up again. Navigating newfound allure can be daunting, particularly if it’s unfamiliar. Previously, when she embraced her curves, a simple pink sequin dress sufficed for any occasion. Now, with a more streamlined physique, the pressure to maintain this image mounts.

You may feel compelled to prance around like a stripper advertising downsized rump to a bunch of drooling zombies on Instagram. And, predictably, it’s working. A baffled male Fox News colleagues whispered to his buddy on the elevator the other day, ‘Is it me, or is Amy Schumer all of a sudden hot?’ If you’re after a frat boy to replace your baby-daddy, keep it up. But isn’t it better to aim higher? I think I speak for a lot of women when I say I liked the old Amy better. You’re likely weren’t as healthy (or sexy), but you were funny and relatable. Sure, we can chalk up these hedonistic displays to ‘self-love’ and ‘body positivity,’ but we’d just be kidding ourselves. 

Your famous friends may be squealing ‘You go girl!’ in the comments, but what they’re really thinking is: ‘Hey Amy, you ok?’ If this were all about ‘self-care’ – an overused millennial euphemism for being a narcissist – you’d would be at a phone-free New Mexico spa microdosing South American psychedelics working out your demons. Instead, you’re parading around half-naked like a pharmaceutically whittled down attention hound. This better be the plot for your next straight-to-streaming dramedy, ‘How Amy Got Her Groove Back.’

Because if it’s not, you’re like every other over-sharing, man-hungry hussy on social media whose desire for fame exceeds her dignity. It’s beneath you, it’s…basic. Amy, if I want to be inspired by a cultural vixen, I’ll take a gander at Sydney Sweeney. Why don’t you stick to what you did so well… self-effacing, down-to-earth comedy. I hope you’re good, Amy Schumer. But I prefer you meaty, not needy. Put down your phone, have a good cry and eat a sandwich. We’ll be here for you when you return to form.