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As a devoted supporter of the monarchy, it is with a heavy heart that I find myself confronting a question that lingers in the minds of many: How can the royal family ever rebound from the tarnished reputation left by Prince Andrew’s scandalous ties to Jeffrey Epstein?
The situation has only grown more dire with recent revelations from the latest release of Epstein files. These documents reveal Prince Andrew and his former wife, Sarah Ferguson, deceitfully maintained their association with Epstein, even as young girls, some younger than their own daughters, fell victim to abuse.
This week brought a particularly damaging blow to Andrew’s credibility. Ghislaine Maxwell, a key figure in Epstein’s operations, confirmed that the infamous photograph of Andrew with his arm around Virginia Giuffre is genuine. Taken in Maxwell’s London home, this evidence dismantles Andrew’s previous assertion that the image was fabricated and undermines his alibi of being at a Pizza Express in Woking with his daughter Beatrice.
While these revelations are undeniably distressing, my primary concern lies not with Andrew, but with the monarchy itself. With the truth now fully exposed, what steps can be taken to cleanse the royal family of the shadow cast by Andrew, who astonishingly remains eighth in line to the throne?
Can the royals ever rid themselves of the terrible stench of Andrew, who is still risibly eighth in line to the throne?
The latest dump of the Epstein files confirm Andrew and his complicit, cling-on ex-wife Fergie lied about their ongoing relationship with the prolific child sex offender, writes Amanda Platell
Epstein’s madam and victim-procurer Ghislaine Maxwell confirmed this week that the picture of Andrew with his arm around his accuser Virginia Giuffre is real
If only the late Queen Elizabeth II had not protected her favourite son back in 2022 by helping to pay for that settlement of a reported £12million to Giuffre in the civil sexual assault case she brought against Andrew.
Giuffre committed suicide last year, having accused him of having sex with her three times when she was just 17 – allegations which he has constantly denied.
If her late Majesty had not stepped in to help, he would have had to face his accuser in court and the lingering rot that’s infected the monarchy as a result of the Epstein affair would have been cauterised.
Yet with the drip-drip of disclosures about Andrew’s and Fergie’s continued association with the paedophile, it just gets worse and worse.
How are the royals going to put an end to this ruination of their reputation, and reestablish themselves at the heart of British life?
King Charles releasing Finding Harmony: A King’s Vision, a well-meaning but hand-wringing and self-congratulatory documentary about how we can all find peace in nature is not the answer, with the greatest of respect.
It won’t bring solace to the millions of his subjects facing a crippling cost of living crisis. Feeling down? Hug a tree! Tell that to the kids and their mums in high-rise blocks who are struggling to find the money for beans on toast in an urban hellscape without a tree in sight!
King Charles and Queen Camilla attend the premiere for Finding Harmony: A King’s Vision at Windsor Castle
Prince William – who understandably took time off when Kate became ill with cancer – is almost never to be seen unless it’s for his worthy yet unremarkable Earthshot Prize, writes Amanda
Meanwhile, our reluctant king-in-waiting Prince William – who understandably took time off when Kate became ill with cancer – is almost never to be seen unless it’s for his worthy yet unremarkable Earthshot Prize trying to save the world. He mostly seems to be whizzing around their property on his electric bike. Yes that will be his 150-acre private home Forest Lodge.
Kate this week was out and about emoting heart-rendingly about how lonely her struggle against her cancer has been. She was then pictured sewing some jeans for William in a factory in Cardigan, some place in Wales. Hold the front page!
Our ageing Queen Camilla – who’s barely a few points above Harry and Meghan in the popularity polls – has been visiting a primary school’s new library in London’s Regent’s Park to teach deprived kids to ‘read good’, as Ben Stiller’s Zoolander character Derek said in the movie.
All very worthy. But the royals just don’t get it, do they? It’s not the planet they should be straining every sinew to protect right now, not sewing skills or the ability of the young to read. It is the monarchy.
This is a crisis and its very survival is at stake thanks to the disgrace Andrew has visited on the family.
If the royals’ current underwhelming performance is anything to go by, within a decade they will become as irrelevant as the Kingdom of Lesotho, population less than three million.
Our cherished monarchy is supposed to be the foundation of British culture, our bedrock, our proudest and most enduring institution in a troubled world, full of glitz and glamour and exuding soft power. It is under strain as never before. And the last thing it needs at this moment is to turn into a bleeding-heart centre for hug-a-tree therapy.
Naughty Nigella
Ahead of replacing Prue Leith on The Great British Bake Off, the domestic goddess Nigella Lawson appears out shopping with her hair straggly, her grey roots showing, and looking frumpy in a baggy old coat like any other mum. Which we love her for. And there is still no woman alive who can turn licking her spoon into such an erotic act. Welcome back Nigella!
Westminster woes
Starmer’s hands trembling at the dispatch box as he admitted he knew about Mandelson’s association with Epstein. The PM sweating profusely the next day as he said sorry and pleaded for forgiveness. Angela Rayner on manoeuvres to replace him… For those of us who despair at the state of our government, can I suggest an AI online video entitled Mandy – it’s a spoof of Barry Manilow’s hit with Starmer at the piano and Mandelson in a red frock. It’s the only laugh you’ll get out of politics this week.Â
In his Netflix documentary Being Gordon Ramsay, the cook who’s garnered eight Michelin stars says he and wife Tana did not cause the psychodrama around their daughter Holly’s marriage to dim-witted swimmer Adam Peaty, which saw members of Peaty’s family banned from the wedding. He also reveals Holly and Adam invited him and Tana on their Maldives honeymoon, which he paid for. Eight stars for icky.
The exquisite Margot Robbie appears for the thousandth time promoting her movie Wuthering Heights.
Leaves me wondering if actors now spend more time doing publicity for their movies than they do making them. Especially when they fear they may be $80million turkeys.
After much acrimony, Princess Diana’s brother Earl Spencer’s third divorce is complete and he’s free to be with his new girlfriend, the archaeologist Cat Jarman. Jolly good, but I will never forgive him for burying Diana on a remote island on the Althorp estate which no one except close family can visit. Meaning her millions of devoted followers are charged more than £30 per person to visit a nearby ‘shrine’ to her.
Hero of the week is Austin Appelbee, 13, who swam two-and-a-half miles through shark-infested waters off the coast of Western Australia to raise the alarm and rescue his family, whose inflatables had been caught in a current. Having swum in the area, I bet what urged him on was the music from the movie Jaws in his head – ‘da da da da…’Â
My Dad’s brush with thrift
A report says half of us mend household items rather than chucking them. It reminded me of my Dad who, brought up in the Aussie bush, mended everything – including a dustpan and brush with no bristles left on it. On a trip home I threw them out, only to discover Dad had placed them back beside the ancient wood-fired oven.
Killing dogs? TV has lost the plot
SPOILER ALERT now I have watched the final episode of The Night Manager. Most of the good guys die except, of course, our hero Jonathan Pine, aka Tom Hiddleston. But what got me most was that Pine’s nemesis Richard Roper shot his three loyal Alsatians. As a dog lover, please can we stop using canines as fodder for heart-rending plotlines? Just kill off horrible humans instead.
Readers will be heartened, I hope, to learn that, despite words such as gobsmacked and bamboozled falling out of fashion with Gen Z, they will continue to appear in this column. Crikey! Where would we be without a bit of kerfuffle in our lives?
Gates of hell
When Melinda Gates and her Microsoft-billionaire husband Bill divorced, she said they ‘could no longer grow together as a couple’.
Now we know it was his association with Jeffrey Epstein that ended their marriage. The Epstein files include a claim that Gates caught a sexually transmitted disease. He says the claim ‘is absurd’.
But is it any wonder that Melinda now says: ‘I am so happy to be away from that muck.’ Or that after meeting Epstein just once, she described him as ‘evil personified’.
My moggie Ted was horrified to read a cat-napping crimewave is sweeping Britain, with some pedigrees even being held to ransom for demands of £5,000. I reassured him that as he was bought for a tenner from Battersea Dogs and Cats Home, he’s probably not top of the cat-nappers’ hit list. Although were Ted to be stolen, I’d sell my home for his return.
So sad to hear my first boss in UK newspapers, Eddy Shah, has died at 81. In those early days when he banished the unions and launched Today, the first colour newspaper, his advice to me was ‘always remember you’re as good as the blokes’, and ‘work your pretty arse off’. Thanks Eddy, I did.
So the Winter Olympics 2026 begins, with hopes resting on our ‘curling’ team who are funded mostly by Lottery money to the tune of £630,000 per athlete. Wouldn’t that money be better spent on free school meals?Â