Share and Follow
DEAR ABBY: I’ve always prioritized a person’s character over superficial judgments. For six years, I’ve maintained a close friendship with my neighbor, “Tim,” who reminds me of Kramer from “Seinfeld.”
Living with OCD, I’m meticulous about cleanliness and work tirelessly to support my children and myself. In contrast, Tim relies on government assistance, struggles with hoarding, and even posts reminders in his home to practice basic hygiene. We are political opposites, and his narcissistic tendencies often lead to intense anger if challenged. Despite these differences, I’ve tried to remain supportive out of sympathy for him.
Tim frequently invites me to dinners or events, which I repeatedly decline. Financially, he is constrained, and I have occasionally helped him out. However, I’ve recently felt taken for granted and have started distancing myself. His increasing dependency, both emotionally and financially, is concerning. How can I gently end this friendship without causing him distress? — NEIGHBOR IN NEVADA
DEAR NEIGHBOR: True friendship is built on reciprocity, yet your relationship with Tim seems one-sided. Since it’s become so unbalanced, continue to politely refuse his invitations and make yourself less available for his emotional outbursts. It’s also important to stop providing financial support.
DEAR ABBY: I’m haunted by a past incident where I was unable to voice my perspective or counter with facts. My father allowed me to invite three close college friends for a holiday dinner, but my stepmother apparently had objections.
A week before the dinner, my stepmother’s father began verbally attacking me for inviting my friends, implying that I had been out of line. He said, “Holidays are for family.” I was shocked by his statement because I had been taught from elementary school that people invite others for the holiday to share our gratitude for what we have. This could include those who have no family and are alone for the holiday. After that holiday, my stepmother told me I would never have friends over again for any holiday.
In each of the 25 or so years that have passed, that painful incident comes to mind, and I wish I had had the ability to speak out. What would you suggest should have been the proper answer, at the time, in this case? — SEARCHING FOR CLOSURE
DEAR SEARCHING: You could have told your stepmother that sharing holidays with friends was never forbidden before she came along, but now that she ruled the roost, you and your friends would be celebrating elsewhere. I hope that in your adulthood you have practiced the principle of inclusion which is intrinsic to your nature.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.