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DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, my wife and I celebrated the arrival of our third child. However, since then, she has been diagnosed with postpartum depression and has engaged in multiple affairs. Recently, she moved out and is now in a relationship with a woman, seeking a divorce.
Despite these challenges, I have chosen to forgive her and still harbor deep feelings of love. Unfortunately, her actions are taking a toll on our other children, yet she seems unwilling to recognize the impact or engage in any discussions with me regarding the situation. She has declined counseling and insists on placing the blame on me. What is the best way for me to navigate this difficult situation? — DISTRAUGHT HUSBAND IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR HUSBAND: Discovering your wife’s bisexuality unexpectedly can indeed be jarring. There are two potential paths you might consider. First, consulting a licensed mental health professional could provide valuable insights into whether postpartum depression might be influencing her actions. Remember, this situation is not your fault, and it may not entirely be hers either.
The second option involves seeking legal counsel with expertise in family law. While you can’t compel your wife to remain in the marriage, you can ensure that your children maintain a strong relationship with you and spend ample time under your care.
DEAR ABBY: As someone in my late 30s, I reside far from my parents, with whom I share a strained relationship. Additionally, I have a younger brother, four years my junior, from whom I’ve been estranged for two decades. Notably, he lives in the same city as our parents.
My problem is, if I visit, my parents (especially my mom) will tell my brother and invite him over. I don’t like my brother and don’t want to see him. I will not reconcile with him because he did some horrible things to me 20 years ago for which I can never forgive him.
With my parents, things don’t get through to them unless I take drastic measures. How can I convey my desire not to see him? My plan would be to tell them they must agree not to invite him to their house while I’m there — and if they can’t respect my wishes, I simply won’t see them.
I’m not worried about being without lodging because I have friends I can stay with there. In fact, I have made several trips to that city without visiting my parents. What is your perspective on how I can “lay down the law” and enforce it? — INDEPENDENT IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR INDEPENDENT: Have an honest conversation with your parents. Explain what happened between you and your brother. Emphasize that you do not wish to see him again — ever. Tell them you would like to visit them, but you do not want your brother to be informed or invited over while you are there. If they cannot agree, explain (without hostility) that you will skip the visit. This is not “laying down the law”; it is creating a boundary.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.