I can still vividly recall watching American triathlete Julie Moss compete in the 1982 Kona Ironman in Hawaii.
My father and I were perched on the edge of the sofa as Moss, just 10 miles into the marathon—the final stage of the race—struggled even to walk.
Exhausted and severely dehydrated, her body was beginning to shut down.
Still, she refused to stop.
With only two miles left, the brutal demands of what was then a little-known event had left her legs unable to carry her. Today, the Kona Ironman is widely considered among the world’s toughest one-day endurance challenges.
And her legs were not the only thing to fail her.
In a defining display of female athletic resilience, Moss crawled across the finish line to claim second place—wearing stained blue shorts.
I have raced triathlons for the past 31 years, inspired in part by Moss’s extraordinary grit. As someone with celiac disease and my own gastrointestinal problems, I have also experienced a few close calls.
I have competed in triathlon for the last 31 years and endured some of my own issues
A few years ago, during the Oceanside Ironman 70.3 in California, I made the disastrous decision to take a sip of Red Bull seven miles into the half marathon.
The race gods looked kindly on me that day as a providential porta potty was just feet away when I needed it. It’s also said that you’re not a real triathlete until you’ve peed while in the middle of a 56-mile bike ride (yes, I’ve done that too).
It all kind of comes with the territory for endurance athletes, but this week our indecorous conduct was exposed to the world by an Australian HYROX athlete named Joanna Wietrzyk, who was competing in Beijing.
She appeared to suffer sudden bowel incontinence mid-way through the indoor race that involves running about five miles while completing exercises at eight (communal!) workout stations.
There she was, brown liquid streaming down her legs, performing lunges with a sandbag on her back. Look away now, because there’s also a rowing machine involved. But Wietrzyk refused to quit and no one stopped her.
In fact, she went on to win it all.
People worldwide were aghast by her fecal foul while some of her fellow Aussies were high-fiving her spunk – easy to do when you’re a continent away.
Granted, she is a world class competitor with a big win on the line, but there’s something about her win-at-all-costs mentality – sanitation be damned – that doesn’t smell right.
Joanna Wietrzyk refused to quit and no one stopped her after her own nasty incident
There she was, brown liquid streaming down her legs, performing lunges with a sandbag
The only harm done in the making of Julie Moss’s (outdoor) triathlon history were her shorts.
In Wietrzyk’s case, this is arguably cheating. Those putrid puddles were a direct (and disgusting) competitive advantage.
What a repugnant, selfish view to take chances with other people’s health.
Trust me, I know. Several years ago, I was at my friend, Fox News anchor Julie Banderas’s Thanksgiving party when we were all treated to something extra special in the beautiful, flowing orange juice fountain. Forty-five out of 50 partygoers came down with a hideous bout of a debilitating virus that left us all running for the exits.
Not funny (well, maybe a little funny).
Of course, now HYROX is backtracking out the leaky back door, saying in part: ‘HYROX made a mistake by not reacting immediately during the race, in the end it is my job to foresee these potential incidents – and I did not.’
Oh, that’s just CYA.
It’s about time.
Natural stupidity
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On The View, Sunny Hostin was playing defense after licensing her likeness to an artificial intelligence company so they can produce an AI movie based on her self-described ‘smut’ novels.
Hostin claimed ‘racist’ Hollywood won’t produce her filthy books, so she had no choice. Then co-host Joy Behar delivered her a b*tchslap heard round the world.
Sunny Hostin was playing defense after licensing her likeness to an artificial intelligence company so they can produce an AI movie based on her self-described ‘smut’ novels
Hostin: I’m not the person putting [black actors] out of work, because the studios just won’t make these projects, Joy.
Behar: Well, force them to do it rather than have a robot replace black people in movies.
I love to see the shooting inside the self-righteous tent.
Bigger isn’t better
Kylie Jenner has been very candid about her augmented curves, but she apparently wants to add even more to her overflowing figure.
Well, I couldn’t believe it. Then Kylie flashed her generous assets in a promotion of athleisure brand Alo and it dawned on me.
If Sydney Sweeney is making the boys drool with her all-natural marketing tools, Kylie’s got to up her game.
Kylie Jenner has been very candid about her augmented curves, but she apparently wants to add even more to her overflowing figure
Garden State solution
I was at that controversial Ed Sheeran concert at MetLife where one-hit wonder Macklemore delivered a pro-Palestinian rant.
Guess what, I still almost fell asleep out of Sheer-an boredom.
Now, the mealy-mouthed ginger says it wasn’t his decision to boot Mackle-bore off his US tour.
Oh, grow a pair, Edward.
Showmance alert
Margot Robbie and Bradley Cooper are filming the prequel to Ocean’s Eleven.
Don’t be shocked if you hear that they’re also secretly in love.
Just know, it’s not true.
Or is it?
Margot Robbie and Bradley Cooper (in blue hat) are filming the prequel to Ocean’s Eleven. Don’t be shocked if you hear that they’re also secretly in love
Animal lovers
FBI director Kash Patel’s Senate hearing this week exploded in bipartisan outrage over the agency removing bestiality as an automatic disqualifier for FBI applicants.
Patel curiously defended the policy, claiming that he doesn’t want to unfairly weed out applicants who may have been forced to perform the evil act against their will.
I don’t know what to think of this. But I’m happy Republicans and Democrats have found something to agree on.