I know they mean well; they’re very generous people. However, I’m working only part time and paying for my health insurance myself. They’ve told me I don’t have to buy them gifts, but knowing they’ll be giving me presents naturally makes me feel obligated to reciprocate. I’m not especially creative, although I could make them something. Still, I’m bothered. Since it’s my birthday, shouldn’t my wishes have been respected? — BIRTHDAY GIRL IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: Happy birthday! Your friends understand that you would rather not exchange gifts, but they want to give you something anyway. They aren’t trying to create financial pressure; they’re expressing their affection. If making each of them a handmade gift would make you more comfortable, go ahead. But their generosity does not mean they are disrespecting you.
DEAR ABBY: My husband of two years and I are complete opposites when it comes to planning. He is spontaneous and makes decisions on the spur of the moment. I’m the kind of person who plans everything down to the last nanosecond — slight exaggeration.
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I hurried to get dressed, applied my makeup in the car, drove as fast as I could and arrived about 45 minutes late. I made excuses for my husband, even though he has done this to the couple before. We were halfway through the meal when he finally arrived, still wearing the same clothes he had worn while working around the house. I was surprised the hostess seated him. I was embarrassed, the other couple was understandably annoyed, and I have had enough of his inconsiderate behavior. Please advise. — NOT OK IN OKLAHOMA
In the future, make sure you arrive on time. Let your husband explain his own actions, offer his own apology and deal with the consequences of his choices.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.