Lamichhane said cultural conditioning played a major role in why some educated, financially independent women stayed in abusive relationships.

Suvechya Lamichhane shared a story about a woman trapped in an abusive relationship. Credit: Supplied / TikTok

According to some traditions in South Asian communities, marriage is considered a lifelong bond, extending across seven lifetimes.

“That’s our upbringing — we are taught to prioritise family, to make others happy, often at the cost of our own wellbeing.”

How societal and cultural pressures hold back victims

“After marriage, we are taught to listen to our husbands, and fights are normalised. We’re told to take care of the family and keep family matters private,” she explained.

“Leaving doesn’t just mean walking away from a partner, it means being cut off from the entire family. Friends may also distance themselves, and that fear of isolation keeps many women from leaving,” she said.

Bobby Lama believes that many women don’t even realise they are experiencing family violence because abuse is often seen only in physical terms. Source: Supplied / Bobby Lama

Roshani Shrestha, president of women’s support group Didi Bahini Samaj Victoria (DBSV), said while social workers can’t intervene directly they can connect victims to the right resources.

Last year, DBSV supported 75 survivors, with many cases involving women on dependent visas facing financial, social and cultural control, she said.

The cycle of abuse

Manorama Shah, a Melbourne-based nurse, knows this all too well. It took her 14 years to leave her marriage.

Manorama Shah recalls the psychological dependency that made her feel as though she couldn’t survive without her partner. Source: Supplied / Manorama Shah

Shah recalls early warning signs, such as dowry demands, but dismissed them.

“Your confidence erodes over time, and before you know it, you stop recognising yourself,” Shah said.

“The pain of ending a relationship can feel just as deep as grief after a death of a family member,” she said.

The legal aspect

Timsina said that due to religious, cultural and family values, many cases went unreported and never reached the legal system.

Khilendra Raj Timsina said that not all domestic violence cases lead to criminal charges. Source: Supplied / Khilendra Raj Timsina

Lama highlights that a lack of legal knowledge sometimes prevents victims from making informed choices.

“Free legal services are available in every council. Get advice from the right sources,” she added.

How to be supportive

“She picked me up and even brought my son from childcare,” she recalled.

She said it was best to avoid asking questions like, “Why did you stay so long?”, or “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” These could make them feel blamed or judged, she added.

Impact on children and mental health

“If a child sees their father yelling at their mother or their mother mistreating their father, they might grow up thinking this is normal,” Pokharel explained.

Melbourne-based psychiatrist Anupam Pokharel notes that many of his patients have some level of exposure to violence. Credit: SBS Nepali

Pokharel added that children who experienced emotional neglect in a volatile home environment were at higher risk of developing anxiety, depression, irritability and clinginess.

“Besides these impacts, children might engage in self-harm. As they grow older, there is an increased risk of a drug overdose and substance abuse in their teenage years,” he said.

Trauma for the victim

Pokharel also highlighted the link between domestic violence and mental health, noting many of his patients have experienced violence.