What does love look like in the twilight years of life? For some, it’s a carefree sexual relationship without any expectations in their sixties. For others, it’s embracing their true selves and coming out in their fifties. Some couples opt for living apart together, whereas others find themselves stepping into marriage at ninety. This episode of Insight introduces us to older Australians who are redefining love on their own terms. Catch Love Later In Life on SBS On Demand.
Terry:
Cecily and I crossed paths in our forties. She and her husband ran a restaurant just down the street from the delicatessen my wife and I managed.
We enjoyed a friendship for many years before mutual interest blossomed between us.
This budding interest came into focus when Cecily invited me to a family gathering, with the approval of my then-wife.
After both of us went through divorces some years later, we decided to travel to Bali together. It was there that I finally asked her to move in with me—a proposal I had been contemplating for quite some time.
“‘My bags are packed’,” she said.
Cecily was always so smart, good-looking, and really the whole package. We’ve always had fun meeting friends at the pub on a Friday night, and we’ve holidayed all over the world. She even came with me on a motorcycling trip to South Africa — riding along in the escort car.
We’ve now been together for 39 years, and we love each other more as each year goes by.
We’re totally different people, which is why I think we work so well.
I’m very adventuresome; I’ve ridden all over the world on motorcycles, parachuted out of planes, done bungee jumps, and I still play tennis regularly.
Cecily is a little quieter. Her sense of adventure is sitting on the back of a yacht with a glass of champagne in hand. She’s very bright, and she’s taught me a lot in my life.
Of course, we have disagreements. I’ll think I’m right and she’ll go to bed thinking she’s right.
But when we wake up the next day, the disagreement doesn’t continue. We get on with life.
As she says, “yesterday is yesterday”.
Almost 20 years ago, when Cecily turned 70, I asked her what she wanted for her birthday.
She said she wanted to get married.
I was surprised, as that was not something I had wanted. We loved each other, but I just felt it was like I had a lover rather than a wife, and I was happy with that.
“Definitely not,” I said.
But then I told her there were two reasons why I would marry her.
“One: If you get pregnant. Or two: I’ll marry you when I get to 90.”
I didn’t know if I would reach that age, but last year, I did.
And I fulfilled my promise to marry Cecily on my 90th birthday.
Cecily:
We didn’t discuss marriage in the earlier years; we just moved in together.
But right from when we started dating, I knew I wanted to marry him.
It was important for me to confirm to everyone that I need him and he needs me — and to feel wholly part of the family.
Though I didn’t bring up marriage for two decades.
Terry told me he’d marry me at 90, so as he neared his milestone birthday, I reminded him.
“It’s getting closer,” I’d say.
Terry is a man of his word, and finally, after waiting to marry him for almost 40 years, I did.
I didn’t want a church wedding; we wanted to be married in the garden. Terry is a keen gardener, and we wanted to be surrounded by flowers, family and friends.
On the big day, I was actually very nervous. My son and daughter-in-law walked me across the lawn. Everyone I cared for was there to witness us get married.
Terry, with his ever-wonderful sense of humour, pretended he dropped the ring during the ceremony, and everybody gasped before laughing.
Terry:
It was the most fantastic time shared with about 70 people, from squash, motorcycling, tennis, the neighbourhood and family.
All the family from far and wide gathered — children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren.
My grandson and his friend did the bar, my daughter-in-law did the catering, one of my sons did the music, and my granddaughter did Cecily’s makeup. It was a beautiful group effort, and the sun shone for us.
We had no need for wedding gifts, but quite a few of my friends gave me some beautiful bottles of red wine for my 90th birthday, which I couldn’t refuse.
The whole day, I couldn’t get the smile off my face.
So, in all, I’m happy to be married.
Cecily and I are fully committed to each other and support each other in many ways. She encourages me to continue riding my motorcycle, playing tennis and having the odd beer at the pub.
She has lost her sight and has reduced mobility, so I am looking after her as best I can.
We are loving each other — we aim to keep each other out of the nursing home!
Cecily:
We’re very different people, but we are very close and compatible.
I can’t see very well these days, and Terry takes very good care of me. He now cooks and is very good at it — besides a few failures.
I want him to continue pursuing his sports and tennis. I am someone who gets more joy out of going to dinner, but I like that we can do our own things and come together for other things.
I can picture us sitting side by side on rocking chairs in the nursing home someday.
The very sporty Terry, of course, can’t see it.
I’m turning 90 this month and would love another 10 years with him.
He wants another 10 on top of that.