Elle's journey in navigating her racial identity as "Too white to be black, too black to be white"

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A few years ago, when writing a bio and trying to describe how to position myself, I coined the term “being caught in the crosswinds of this nation’s history”.

It’s sometimes difficult to articulate the journey that I’ve been on as an individual. I know this is something many others have also had to grapple with.

Identifying as Aboriginal, proudly connected to the Balanggarra mob up in the Kimberley while also being brought up in a family linked to our colonial history through ties to Captain William Bligh, can be confusing.

Sometimes I’ve felt like I don’t fit in on either side of the story.

Ultimately, my journey of discovery — and something that I have been encouraging others to consider — comes down to our dominant cultural framework.

The environment we grow up in shapes our behaviours, decision-making and values, and informs the way we live our lives. It creates what we would consider as ‘normal’.

Our government intentionally tried to breed out First Nations cultural practices and ways of being through the Stolen Generations policies, which forcibly removed children from Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander families between the 1910s and 1970s.

My dad was taken away as a baby, so I’m a direct result of these policies — an adult who has had to work out where I fit in Australia.

I feel too white to be black and too black to be white.

A middle-aged woman with her father, who is in a wheelchair, and her mother, who is standing beside hm.

Elle with her mum and dad. Source: Supplied

Lucky and unlucky

I feel thankful that I have always known I am Aboriginal. My dad has always been proud and identified even before we were connected back to our family in the early 90s.

My mum has always supported my cultural identity journey and I am thankful for the upbringing that she provided me and the opportunities I’ve been given.

My cultural framework has been steeped in a white-dominant experience, which in many ways has opened doors and allowed me to occupy spaces that I may not have been able to if my story was different.

At the same time, I haven’t been fortunate enough to grow up in a strong First Nations kinship system that helped me appreciate my place in the world.

But I’ve had to grapple with how to navigate my place in this country and how to respectfully be clear on my position. And I’m still learning and understanding my cultural identity.

A ‘pendulum swing’ towards First Nations voices

This journey has led me to a career in town planning and engagement in which I contribute to Country, community and culture in tangible ways, every day..

I have positioned myself not to take away the voices of First Nations peoples with knowledge and connections that I will never have, but to create seats around tables where they have not existed before.

A young girl with her dad ,who he embraces on his lap. There is an Indigenous painting on the table in front of them.

Elle as a young girl with her father, who is a proud Balanggarra man from the East Kimberley. Source: Supplied / Caroline Riches

I help to advocate for more culturally safe spaces in which First Nations peoples can thrive and actively contribute to the future planning of our built environment.

Since colonisation, our public places and spaces have promoted one-sided and often incorrect narratives of our history.

We need to address the naming of our suburbs and places, people who represent harrowing stories being memorialised through colonial statues, and built environments planned and designed around imported ideas from other cultures irrelevant to Country.

These decisions, which continue in the present day, need to be called into question as they promote a message and story that doesn’t accurately reflect who we are.

A young girl and her mum sit on a bench. They are looking at the camera and smiling.

Elle as a girl with her mother. Source: Supplied / Caroline Riches

Our public domain should be a place where everybody feels safe. We are always on Country regardless of what has been placed or forced on top of it.

But while these statues can represent a lot of hurt and trauma to individuals, erasing what they represent doesn’t help us to understand our past.

But if we’re going to keep the statues, there needs to be a pendulum swing towards better understanding what those statues represent for First Nations communities..

‘A unique part to play’

Many people have asked why I have dedicated my life to advocating for Country, community and culture rather than focusing on my European heritage, which makes up the main parts of my bloodline.

I have always found this a very valid question and each time I am asked it helps me to further understand my position and decision-making process.

Ultimately, I don’t believe that any of my story is wasted.

I have been placed here with a purpose and a plan to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for my grandmother and her ancestors who never had the opportunities that I have.

A woman standing in the countryside smiles at the camera.

Elle says she has dedicated her life to advocating for Country. Source: Supplied

Accepting my upbringing, my cultural connections and my story helps me to understand that I have a unique part to play in our nation’s journey.

I have chosen to walk the line, actively acknowledging holistically where I have come from, where my ancestors have been, and providing an invitation for everyone who calls Australia home to understand where they fit in this collective story.

I want to help people to become more aware of how our built environment shapes our experiences, and encourage a future that more respectfully embeds Country, community and culture.

I extend an invitation to all Australians to understand their own cultural framework and critically engage with the built environment to share the load of decolonising our public places.

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