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Can life ever truly return to normal after enduring extreme hardships or life-threatening events? This question is at the heart of the episode “Will to Survive” in the series Insight. You can catch this thought-provoking installment on SBS On Demand.
In an unforgettable moment, a person recounts the disorienting experience of regaining consciousness under such circumstances. “I don’t remember much about waking up,” they admit. “All I recall is the agony, as if someone was stabbing me in the back with a rock.”
Through a haze of pain, they noticed someone examining their feet. “From the bottom of my eyes, I could see someone touching my feet in various places,” they describe. This person then asked, “Can you feel this? Can you feel that?”
I don’t remember much about waking up. I just remember being in pain. It felt like someone was stabbing me in the back with a rock.
From the bottom of my eyes, I could see someone touching my feet in various places.
“Can you feel this? Can you feel that?” they asked me.
I couldn’t feel anything.
This was the moment I realised I was paralysed and would probably be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.
I had been in an accident while riding on a freestyle motocross track.
Usually, I was jumping 17m gaps, doing tricks and taking my legs off the motorbike. But that day, I didn’t make the distance for the first jump, according to my friends who were watching.
I hit the top of the landing deck — landing on my head with my legs in the air. My bum came back and hit my head, which was a complete scorpion.
My friends said they could hear the moment my back broke from 20m away.
I remember feeling unsure whether I was going to survive the flight to hospital when the paramedics were airlifting me there.
It was one of the first times in my life that I felt something was completely out of my control.
The doctors at the hospital discovered I had broken several bones in my vertebrae (T-5, 6 and 7), fractured my skull and some ribs and torn my spleen, as well as ligaments in my neck and shoulder.
They also confirmed I was paralysed from my chest down.
Knowing the risks
I had been riding motorbikes for four years (doing freestyle motocross for two-and-a-half), and I almost became paralysed about a year beforehand when another — less severe — accident compressed my spine.
When I told my dad I wanted to continue riding at the time of my first accident, he asked: “What if you end up in a wheelchair?”
I was so confident in my answer: “I don’t care. As long as I’m doing what makes me happy, I would rather regret being in a wheelchair than knowing that I wasn’t chasing my enjoyment.”
So, I always been very aware of the risks of motocross — even before I became paralysed.
‘What can I do?’
Healing is different for everybody, but I haven’t let the injury itself give me a down day.
Of course, I’ve had moments of grief, but I always come back to a place of acceptance and knowing I’m okay.
I had a moment coming back from rehabilitation (where I was learning to adapt to life in a wheelchair) when I was really shocked by the physical changes to my body. I put on a pair of skinny jeans, which looked like track pants on me because my legs had lost so much muscle.
I was reminded that I was now disabled and had a moment of grief. I was engaged at the time and mourned the fact that I wouldn’t be able to walk down the aisle.
A habit I developed at rehabilitation made things easier for me to digest. Every time I was overcome with negativity, I would ask myself: “But what can you do?”
I may not be able to literally walk down the aisle, but I can wheel myself down it and still get married. I can’t walk down to the beach, but I can drive my modified Ford Ranger to Bribie Island.
I realised there were, and are, so many things I can do. This meant the snowball of negativity didn’t get too big.
Falling in love with sport again
Because I don’t have the use of my abdominal muscles, I’m not able to ride dirt bikes the way I used to. But I’m still able to drive a car with modifications.
On my birthday in 2020, I was invited to go drifting. Instead of trying to drive the car around the track as fast as possible, you’re using angle, style, and proximity to another car to get the most action for spectators.
I finally found something that was giving me the same amount of enjoyment and adrenaline as a dirt bike. And I fell completely in love with the sport from that day on.
I think I love it so much because I don’t feel like I’m at any physical disadvantage. Drifting is something of an accessible sport, and I’m able to enjoy it with my non-disabled friends.
A Bluetooth satellite hand control wraps around my hand and remotely sends a message to the car. My throttle is also Bluetooth, and I have a brake pedal that’s situated directly underneath the steering wheel.
‘I’m having too much fun’
It’s now been close to seven years since the accident, and I feel like I’m finally back to the Christina I was before my disability and have more control in my life.
I didn’t end up getting married, but have been with my new partner for the past three-and-a-half years, and we are deeply in love.
I’m also very involved in the drifting community, and it scratches the itch that motocross once did for me.
People sometimes ask me if I’m afraid of death, given my close brush with it.
I am afraid because I’m having too much fun.
I don’t like to think about dying, but at least when my time eventually comes, I know that I’ve done everything I’ve wanted to do.
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