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More than 50 years ago, the women’s liberation movement reshaped society’s expectations of womanhood. As commentary around ‘toxic masculinity’ persists today, Insight asks if men need to be liberated from traditional masculinity. Watch episode Male Liberation at 8.30pm on SBS or on SBS On Demand.
Geoff Devereaux, who works in the domestic violence space, says when he’s asked groups of men what it is to be a good dad, “provider” is often the first — and last — word on the list.
“Oftentimes, that’s where that list tends to stop,” Geoff told Insight.
Geoff helps his seven-year-old stepson with his homework. He cares for his infant son and takes turns doing the bedtime routine with his wife, who works night shifts. But he feels that society often does not allow men to be nurturers.
“Men deserve to be more than providers. We deserve … the opportunity to be more than that,” he said.

“[It’s] also about us working on ourselves, to have healthier connections with our families.”

Geoff said his father was a healthy male role model to him growing up. Despite that, societal messaging around what a man ‘should’ be, still shapes his behaviour.
“Whenever I’m feeling insecure … I’ll bring up the fact that I train in Krav Maga — as a way of proving that I’m masculine, by training in self-defence,” he said.

“Subconsciously, I’ve linked masculinity to violence.”

‘The world didn’t come crashing and burning’

Like Geoff, Harry Garside took up a contact sport to ‘better’ align with traditional representations of masculinity.
“What do you see on movies? You see men fight. They save the world; they do these wild things,” Harry said.
“I think being so soft and not like my brothers — not fearless … I initially started boxing to be more like them … I felt quite insecure, and I didn’t really know it.”

The youngest of three boys, Harry was nine when he took up boxing.

a teenage boy in red singlet and gloves poses in a sparring pose and has a medal around his neck

Harry Garside after a boxing match in 2015. Source: Supplied

The Olympic bronze medallist, 28, says that the sport has since given him the confidence to explore himself in his adult life — including a period of dressing in more traditionally feminine clothes.

He also credits a youth program he participated in as a teen, and its nail painting activity, for shifting his mindset.
“It was quite a unique experience, because I think I was a boy who was just like: ‘What am I painting my nails for? This is bullshit’.”

“But then I think we realised, when we did that, was the world didn’t change … The world didn’t come crashing and burning. We didn’t change as people.”

A lack of male role models?

Content creator Richard Jackson doesn’t think that strong societal expectations about what men ‘should’ be is a bad thing. He believes there is too much “contradictory messaging” surrounding the topic.
“The blueprint … used to be the clear ‘provider-protector’. A strong, stoic [man],” Richard told Insight.

“Whereas nowadays, there are lots of parts of society that are saying that’s to be dispensed with — or it’s not useful anymore.”

a young man with a shaved head, eyebrow slit and facial hair in a black coat stands in front of shrubs

Richard believes young men want more role models. Source: Supplied

Richard, whose parents’ divorce impacted how he views masculinity, largely credits social media as his education for understanding what being a good man means.

The 31-year-old cites Canadian author Jordan Peterson and British American influencer Andrew Tate as key people who taught him about manhood.
“I think for a lot of young lads, they look for role models. And they find their way in the digital sphere and see what resonates,” Richard said.
“… I think there’s a big yearning in the space for clear direction.”

Some criticise Jordan Peterson for his right-wing views on political correctness, gender identity and climate change. Tate is set to stand trial over multiple charges including rape and human trafficking in June 2026 in the UK; he denies all allegations made against him.

‘A request for men to change their behaviour’

Macquarie University historian Leigh Boucher says despite some people describing provider or protector roles as “traditionally masculine”, societal ideals of masculinity are still always changing.
“Over time, in every period, someone is always saying: ‘Remember when we used to know how to be men?'” Boucher told Insight.

“So, the idea of ‘tradition’ is actually an idea that we often use to make a statement about what we want.”

a middle aged man with a brown beard and hair in a stripey collared shirt smiles at the camera, autumn leaves are in the background

Leigh says that being queer has helped him understand what it means to be a man. Source: Supplied

Boucher feels part of the discussion happening today around masculinity stems from social changes in the late 1960s and early 1970s.

“If we understand the women’s liberation movement … as a kind of mass movement to transform the lives of women … we might say that was also a request for men to change their behaviour.”
The academic acknowledges that for good reason, the conversation was more about women and that request of men didn’t really become part of the mainstream cultural political conversation at the time.

Boucher believes it took time for society to “register that if we’re going to take the project of gender equality seriously, it means men might need to do some thinking, talking, working, considering, and some changing”.

Australian men are less likely than Australian women to seek professional help for their mental health. Only 12.9 per cent of men — compared to 21.6 per cent of women — accessed mental health services between 2020 and 2022, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics.
Boucher feels that becoming comfortable with vulnerability and tenderness is key to exploring the full range of masculinity. This is something he believes his queerness helped him with.
“If you grow up as a young man experiencing desire for other men, it makes you ask questions. ‘Oh shit, what’s this masculinity shit?'”
“That’s actually opened up worlds and ways of thinking to me that I’m incredibly grateful for.”
By comparison, Leigh feels that heterosexual men police their behaviour — particularly around physical contact and affection.

“Being queer means that there’s many more spaces where you get to be tender and it’s not a risk,” he said.

Living authentically as men

As a naturally affectionate man, Geoff says he knows the judgement Boucher spoke to of being openly tender in public.
He recalled a parent-teacher evening where his stepson came up and “put his arms around my neck and kissed me on the cheek before he went and played”.
“I distinctly remember the really clear look of disapproval from another one of the fathers that was there,” he said.  

The experience hasn’t changed Geoff’s behaviour. He says his home is a place where “‘I love you’s and hugs and cuddles are given freely”.

a dad lies asleep in bed with a baby and a young boy

Geoff with his son and stepson. Source: Supplied

Similarly, for Harry, his hope is for everyone to live as authentically as they can.

“Young people — before they enter school — are so pure and just organic and authentic,” he said.
“And then eventually the world starts shaping them … We’re told consistently and constantly … how to live and act.”

The Olympic boxer sees merit in qualities traditionally associated with masculinity, like strength and pride, but he encourages people to explore other parts of themselves.

a young man in an expensive-looking patterned silk top stands in front of a background with THE ICONIC branding on it

Harry feels that he is very different to the 16-year-old “ratbag” version of himself. Source: Supplied / Hanna Lassen via Getty.

When asked about what masculinity means to him as a 28-year-old, Harry said that his beliefs change all the time.

“I think being a man is, is in motion … I think being a man is nice when it’s of service to others, which is something that I definitely haven’t fully transitioned to still,” he said.
“If we can turn the mirror on what we’re doing for other people or are we looking after ourselves so we can be a better human for [others], then I think the world is always a better place — regardless of if you’re a man or a woman.”
For counselling, advice and support for men who have anger, relationship or parenting issues, call the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491.
For crisis and mental health support, contact Lifeline (13 11 14), SANE Australia (1800 187 263) or 13Yarn (139 276), a 24/7 Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islanders crisis support line.
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