Riane Learns About Love from Her Strong-Minded Mother; Celebrating Lunar New Year without Her is a Challenge

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Melbourne-based Riane Avila’s mother passed away from breast cancer in 2023.
Avila remembers her mum’s fierce devotion and love of her children.
To honour her mum on Lunar New Year, Avila plans to continue the tradition of prayer and gratitude.

* Disclaimer: This story may be triggering for some who have experienced loss.

Riane Avila said she was still grieving her mum Glory’s passing two years ago.

“It’s still hard for me to talk about mum being gone, that she will no longer be able to respond when I need to ask her about things,” she told SBS Filipino.

Two years have passed since Avila lost her mum to breast cancer, and the loss continues to be difficult for her to verbalise.

Riane Avila (right) with her mum, Glory. Source: SBS / Riane Avila

Registered psychologist Donn Tantengco said that this difficulty is normal, sharing with SBS Filipino, “Grief comes with a cluster of emotions that vary from person to person … the experience of grief and loss is not a linear one.

One way of expressing grief is by honouring the deceased in your way (for example, photos on a mantle, having a small box of their items) … whatever you feel is comfortable to remember your loved one.

Donn Tantengco, registered psychologist

For Avila, honouring her mum is about persisting in a vow to continue her mum’s Lunar New Year practices of prayer, adherence to tradition and gratitude for both the years that had passed and for the year to come.

‘Temple-hopping’ tradition

Avila shared that Lunar New Year celebrations in her family were always about prayer, food and squeezing through the crowded, narrow streets of the Binondo district in Manila, said to be the oldest Chinatown in the world.

“I always celebrated with my mum and my brother, Choq. Mum always emphasised the importance of prayer,” she said.

Binondo in Manila is believed by some to be the oldest Chinatown in the world. Credit: Alexis Ricardo Alaurin/Pexels

“We would go ‘temple-hopping’ in Binondo; and in each one, we would pray and make wishes for the year to come,” she said.

“Being that we were already in Binondo, of course we (also) looked forward to eating!”

It was always crowded and the streets were narrow, but we’d find our way through the crowd to catch glimpses of the dragon and lion dances.

Riane Avila

Avila shared that some of her fondest Lunar New Year memories were at her grandmother’s house where relatives would gather.

“My grandmother lived near Binondo, so after our trip around (the area), we would go to her house and have a mini-reunion with everyone,” she said.

“We would bring tikoy (Lunar New Year cake made of glutinous flour) and pancit (noodles).”

The extended Avila family during Lunar New Year celebrations in 2019. Credit: Riane Avila

Moving to Australia

From celebrating Lunar New Year in Binondo, Avila searched for ways to mark the event when she moved to Australia more than a decade ago.

She had been sponsored by her previous employer, a large, multinational company.

Even though mum was in the Philippines, she helped me navigate my way around. She would say, ‘There’s a Chinatown there! You can take this bus, and that train’.

Riane Avila

Always concerned about her well-being, she said her mum would call her several times a day, making sure she was happy, safe and was eating well.

“I didn’t cook when I first moved (to Australia), so she would always call me to make sure I wasn’t just eating fast food,” she said.

“Mum would still get my fortune prepared in Binondo before Lunar New Year even if I was away. It would always be very specific to me because it was based on my birthday (and) time of birth.

Lunar New Year celebrations in Manila’s Binondo district. Credit: Ezra Acayan/Getty Images

“She would send me what my lucky colours for the year were. She would always send me details of what I should do to attract luck. She always did that for me.

“My brother and I were always her priority. She was very protective. She always wanted us happy and safe. I miss that. I miss her.”

A text message Avila received from her mum, Glory. Credit: Riane Avila

Tantengco said special occasions and holidays make grieving complex because these were moments when the feelings of loss were amplified amid celebrations.

“Keep up with your daily routines and instead of avoiding special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries) and other instances (for example, visiting a place), mark them whilst honouring the deceased,” he said.

Give yourself permission to feel emotions — name them, notice them come to you, and notice how they feel.

Donn Tantengco, registered psychologist

“If powerful emotions come up during special ocassions, that’s perfectly normal. It simply means you’re human, and that the loved one who died truly meant a lot to you.”

For Avila, this coming Lunar New Year will continue to be ‘bittersweet’.

Grieving the loss of her mum, being apart from her family in the Philippines and being in a transitional phase in her career, Avila said she was hoping for better days in the coming year.

“I saw how my mum loved us and I realised that I love my whole family — my aunts and uncles, cousins, my brother and his family — and friends with the same ferocity,” she said.

A young Riane Avila (left), her mum, Glory (centre) and her brother, Choq (right). Source: SBS / Riane Avila

“I find solace in our family traditions, in honouring her legacy … so this Lunar New Year, I will light incense for her and the family, eat tikoy and pray, and express gratitude for the life I have.”