Imagine getting a call from the President of the United States as a 10-year-old, asking if you’d like to chat while he’s monitoring Santa Claus from the comfort of his Palm Beach living room.

“We want to ensure that Santa isn’t an impostor and that he’s not bringing any trouble into our country. We’ve confirmed he’s the real deal. Santa cares about you and he’s fond of Oklahoma, just like I am. Oklahoma was incredibly supportive during the election, and I have a great fondness for it. Never leave Oklahoma, alright?”

President Trump is engaging with children whose calls to NORAD’s Santa tracking service have been redirected to his Mar-a-Lago estate, following a longstanding presidential tradition.

“I thought you’d want to hear this,” he remarks to the gathered reporters, who are observing the interaction amidst the opulent surroundings of the Florida resort, complete with Venetian silk drapes and Romanesque columns. Trump uses the speakerphone, while his wife opts for a more private approach.

“I believe it’s best if they head to bed,” the First Lady advises gently into her phone, turning away from the President. “That way, Santa can make his way to your home.”

“She’s able to focus totally without listening to this,” the president says. “At least you know what’s happening.”

An eight-year-old in North Carolina is next.

“You sound so beautiful and cute! You sound so smart,” the president tells Savannah, who is wondering: “Will Santa ever get mad if we don’t leave him out any cookies?”

“He won’t get mad,” Trump replies, after asking Savannah to repeat her question. “But I think he’ll be very disappointed. You know, Santa, he tends to be a little bit on the cherubic side. You know what cherubic means? A little on the heavy side.”

Another glance over to the first lady, engrossed in conversation.

“This way you can hear what’s going on. I think it’s a little bit better,” he says, pointing to his speakerphone. “One-sided calls are never good, but they’re less much less dangerous.”

The military is tracking Santa over Sweden, the general informs Trump.

“So Santa’s got quite a trip to get to your part of the world,” he tells Amelia in Kansas. “Five hours from now, Santa will be coming down your chimney.”

Amelia is worried about coal in her stocking.

“You mean clean, beautiful coal?” Trump asks. “I had to do that, I’m sorry.”

Next one, general. The line is quiet.

“You like the room everybody? No ceiling height problem,” the president says to fill the silence, glancing up toward the gold-leaf coffering. “Hey general?”

A five-year-old in Pennsylvania is standing by.

“Pennsylvania is great. We won Pennsylvania actually, three times, but we won Pennsylvania. We won it in a landslide. So I love Pennsylvania,” Trump declares.

Santa is now above Copenhagen.

“Could do this all day long,” the president proclaims. “We have to get back to China, Russia, Ukraine. We have to get back to other things, but this, you could do this all day long. Okay, general, we’re ready.”

Melania Trump has hung up her phone.

“How are you doing, first lady?” the president asks from across the room.

“I’m waiting for a phone call,” she replies.