After cutting alcohol out of her life in 2017 and again in 2020, Chrissy Teigen had a relapse.

Teigen, 39, opened up about her recent setback while explaining how her latest podcast guest author Holly Whitaker “changed” her “perspective” and how she views the “f***ing beast that is alcohol.”

The Cravings author confessed via Instagram on Thursday, May 15, “[I] have to admit to all of you: I let it back into my life,” referring to alcohol.

Teigen explained that to “let a lot of you down, oh I feel it deeply,” noting, “I was so proud every time one of you told me on the street that Holly and I made you want to rethink drinking, reframe drinking. I still am.”

She admitted, “The truth is, I don’t know what I’m doing. I one hundred percent know I like me better sober. I one hundred percent know I get more done, I absolutely feel better in my body without it. And I am one hundred percent pissed that I can’t be normal and have a cocktail with my husband on vacay without it turning into 8 and feeling like shit.”

Teigen further confessed, “I’m tired of throwing up on a Tuesday. I don’t wanna feel like I need a shot to talk to a crowd. I hate that the thought of maybe having a drink can consume me some days.”

While the model revealed that she totally agrees that she should just “stop” drinking, she said it’s not that simple.

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“All I know is my relationship with the whole process of sobriety (and messing up) has changed for the better. I am deeply aware of where this can go if I let it,” Teigen continued. “I guess my plan right now is to continue to be mindful with it.”

She reminded herself and her followers, “I can go to a concert sober and have the greatest time ever. I can avoid absinthe at the Ren Faire and be so abbbbsolutely [sic] full of joy. Photos of my kid’s birthday parties are no longer me with bleary, sleepy drinking eyes. And I am proud of that.”

Even with all the positives that come for Teigen when she’s sober, she explained that her “relationship with alcohol just isn’t normal and never will be.”

She concluded, “Thank you for allowing me to figure it out openly in front of you all. Anyhow. This is for all the people who are figuring it out. And to the sober community, God I am still so, so proud of you. Until we meet again.”

Teigen first spoke about her highs and lows with drinking in 2017, telling Cosmopolitan, “I got used to being in hair and makeup and having a glass of wine. Then that glass of wine would carry over into me having one before the awards show. And then a bunch at the awards show. And then I felt bad for making kind of an ass of myself to people that I really respected.”

It was then that she chose to ditch alcohol and work on herself. Teigen, who has a history of alcohol abuse in her family, recommitted herself to being sober in 2020. She declared that December that she was “4 weeks sober” by sharing a goofy Instagram video of herself dancing in a bathing suit.

Teigen celebrated one year of being sober in July 2022, announcing via Instagram, “Not a drop of alcohol in 365 days! I miss feeling loopy and carefree sometimes, but to be honest toward the end, it didn’t give that fun feeling anymore anyhow.”

She added: “I drank to end crazy anxiety that later mostly went away when I — get this — quit drinking! Sigh. Anyhow I feel really good.”

If you or anyone you know is facing substance abuse issues, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for free and confidential information 24/7.