Collin Gosselin Recalls Growing Up With Mom Kate: ‘We Were Afraid’

Collin Gosselin was 12 the last time he saw his mother. He had already spent more than a year at Fairmount Behavioral Health System, a psychiatric hospital, when Kate Gosselin came to visit. By then, Collin says their relationship had deteriorated badly. He alleges that Kate had subjected him to physical and emotional abuse for much of his childhood, and that the treatment became worse after he resisted appearing on the family’s hit TLC reality series, Jon & Kate Plus 8.

The show premiered in 2007 and documented Kate and her then-husband, Jon Gosselin, as they raised twins (Mady and Cara, now 26) and sextuplets (Collin, Hannah, Leah, Alexis, Joel and Aaden, now 22). Collin recalls that Kate remained at Fairmount for roughly 20 minutes. He says he cried while she questioned him about how much happier the family supposedly was without him. “Our conversation consisted of [her saying], ‘Collin, you destroyed our family,’” he tells Us. “I was devastated.”

Collin says he was prescribed a combination of more than 13 medications while at Fairmount, before Jon removed him in 2018. Jon and Kate had divorced in 2009. Jon, now a 49-year-old DJ, has said Collin was sent to the facility without his knowledge or consent and that he discovered his son’s location only after Collin’s former roommate helped get a letter to him. Since then, Kate, 51, and Collin have offered sharply different accounts of what happened.

During a 2023 episode of Vice TV’s Dark Side of the 2000s, Collin said he was institutionalized after speaking publicly about Kate’s alleged abuse. Kate later responded in an Instagram statement, saying Collin had “received multiple psychiatric diagnoses over the years” and was “placed in a facility… for the safety of myself, his brothers and sisters and for his own well-being.” In a 2024 interview with The Sun, Collin alleged that Kate restrained him with zip ties and locked him in the family’s basement. Collin, who appears on the current season of Fox’s Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test and hopes to become a Marine after college, remains close to Jon and his sister Hannah. He says he has not seen his other siblings in eight years.

Collin now recounts his version of events in his memoir, In the Shadow of Eight: Surviving the Reality of My Childhood, which is out now. He writes about growing up under the glare of television cameras, as well as alleged violence and isolation. According to Collin, Kate spanked him with a serving spoon and struck him in the face, leaving a purple bruise. He also says he was separated from his siblings and made to eat, sleep and spend his days alone. Kate’s attorney, Richard Puleo, previously rejected Collin’s allegations, telling The Sun that he did not believe she “did anything intentionally to harm Collin” and that “she did what she did to protect herself and her family” from Collin’s “troubled behavior.”

“[I] lived that life for so long, and it literally feels like there’s something burning inside me, and I can never stop talking about it,” Collin says. He adds that writing the memoir has helped him begin to heal. “I feel relief. The truth is finally out.” In an interview with Us, he discusses surviving his childhood, his current relationships with family members and whether reconciliation is possible.

Why was this the right time for you to share your story?
Even when I was very young, I sensed that something about my life was not right, and I knew one day I would tell people about it. When I was in my early teens, many different [things about my life] were being discussed, but none of it came from me. It wasn’t my voice or my story. Being able to tell it myself has been incredibly powerful. I still can’t believe I actually did it. It feels surreal.

How do you feel?
Relieved. So many children in the entertainment industry have been exploited, and child abuse remains a massive epidemic. Getting [my story] out there and calling out the companies and people involved — that needs to happen. Adults must be held accountable.

What do you think will shock people the most?
There are people online who question what I say I went through, but I remember it very clearly. I recently found paperwork that includes an admission of horrible things my mom allegedly did, recorded on signed medical documents. It’s there in writing. A child should never have to prove or explain themselves when speaking about abuse and exploitation, but I found documentation in which my mom admitted to the things she did.

What was it like seeing that?
Honestly, I felt the same way I always have. Everything written on that paperwork was something I had lived through. It was similar to when my mom said I had autism and bipolar [disorder]. [In 2016, Kate said Collin had unspecified ‘special needs’ and that there was ‘a fairly fluid diagnosis of what those needs are.’ In his book, Collin writes that his discharge diagnoses from Fairmount included bipolar disorder, autism spectrum disorder, Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).] I went home and had another psychiatric evaluation. [He writes that the doctor found no signs of a psychiatric or behavioral disorder.] When I received those results, I didn’t think, “This is great news.” I already knew. But it meant I no longer had to keep defending my name after she had worked so hard to damage it.

You describe physical abuse from your mom. Looking back, what was the worst thing you experienced?
The most painful part wasn’t enduring it every day. It was losing the chance to have a childhood with my siblings. I think less about [the] words thrown in my face or her hands on me than I do about my brothers and sisters. They were the only people who seemed to understand me, yet I never got to have a real life with them.

Is there anything in the book you’re nervous about Kate seeing?
Not really. If she ever opened the book and saw that everything was there, I think I would feel [a great deal of] relief. She may not feel relieved, but I would.

Do you think she’ll read it?
I don’t think she will, but I can still hope she does. Maybe it would awaken something in her.

Are there parts she might challenge?
Anything suggesting she wasn’t the best mother in the world. For years, people praised her as if she were a god. How do you go from receiving that kind of admiration to watching the image you created collapse?

Are you concerned people will challenge your account or that you’ll face backlash?
I’m not afraid of backlash. It’s a strange experience to live through something and then have someone insist it didn’t happen. I could hand someone a brick and say, “This is a brick,” and they could argue that it’s a piece of paper. That’s what I’ve dealt with. At some point, you have to let go. There will always be ignorant people.

You write about acting out as a child. What do you think you were trying to communicate?
I didn’t want to be filmed. I knew something about the situation felt unnatural. I pushed back, and my mom didn’t like that. She wanted everyone to follow the program. I would think, “I’m going to rebel a little more and be a little naughty,” and tell her, “I don’t want to do this.” I was a young child, and I shouldn’t have been forced to appear on television. When she didn’t understand that, I felt I had to turn up the pressure and throw more tantrums.

Was that when the tension between you and your mom began?
I read that when I was 2, my mom wrote [in her diary] that she felt guilty for hitting me harder than she intended and that she might have seriously injured me. So it didn’t begin only when I resisted filming or threw tantrums. It started when I was 2, when she chose to treat one of her children differently from the others.

Do you think TLC should have stepped in?
My mom concealed a lot of what happened from members of the camera crew. But they didn’t hide everything, and much of it occurred in front of adults who should have intervened. Instead, they stayed silent when my mom was around. She controlled the entire operation, and people were afraid of her. Because of that fear, I suffered for years. It hurts to think that one person speaking up might have changed years of torture and suffering. [TLC has not publicly responded to Collin’s allegations.]

Do you wish Jon & Kate Plus 8 had never been filmed?
I’m grateful for many things, and filming provided my family with a steady income and important opportunities. But putting children on camera at such a young age is not healthy for their development. My parents should have understood that children deserve a choice. They should have stopped after the 2006 documentary, Surviving Sextuplets and Twins. Instead, it became a dangerous machine for a child — more of a money-making operation than a decision centered on the children’s well-being.

How did Kate treat you differently than your siblings?
I was pulled out of school and visits from my dad were cut off. My siblings would go outside and play every day, and I wouldn’t be allowed to play with them. I had a room built in our unfinished basement to keep me isolated from them. I did nothing with them: meals, going to school, visiting my dad, nothing. My childhood with my siblings was taken from me long before I was ever sent out of our house.

Do you have any good childhood memories with your mom?
[Some] little moments she fabricated in front of the camera. One time we were at a place with all these hay bales, and she had this little sweet moment where she said, “I just love when you’re happy, and you’re you.” What she meant was, “I love when you’re performing in front of the cameras, and you’re not pushing back against being exploited.” She was holding my head and hugging me and being so sweet to me — there was never any of that behind the [scenes]. That was her saying, “I love when you perform for the cameras.”

You say you were heavily medicated while at Fairmount. Did you understand what was happening?
I didn’t understand any of those big names or why I was being fed medications every day. But I went through the motions and did what I was told. I don’t know exactly how they came about, but I have my own assumptions about money and power. You can call a kid anything and put him away. As an adult, I’m glad I’m free and I’m not a zombie like I was in that institution. [Collin writes that he was weaned off all of his medications at a transitional residential program after Fairmount.] I feel hurt that [all that] time was taken from me, but I’m not caught up in lost time. There are still a lot of questions, and I’m still uncovering stuff to this day.

What are some of the most pressing questions you have?
I’m curious about how I was diagnosed with autism and bipolar [disorder]. I’ve tried to research some of the medications I was on from age 11 until 14. It’s insane. So that’s what I’m still questioning today. [Fairmount previously told The Sun that it cannot comment on specific patients or their care.]

Do you blame any of the doctors?
No, I don’t harbor resentment. The only thing that throws me off is that after high school, I enlisted in the United States Marines. I was right on the cusp of graduating, but because of a comment my mom made on social media, I was not able to complete that dream. [Collin attributes his discharge to Kate’s 2023 Instagram post. Her attorney told The Sun that the post might have prompted scrutiny of Collin’s history, but disputed blaming Kate for his discharge.]

What would it take for you to reconcile with Kate?
I’ve put opportunities out there for us to be candid and talk about everything. I’ve mentioned wanting to do a lie detector test with her. That was a big thing, and I was really looking forward to it. Every time she’s spoken, it’s been to soil my name. The biggest thing for me in wanting to reconnect is that she speaks truthfully. And so far, there’s been none of that. But if we could get past that hurdle, there’s a possibility of reconciliation.

Growing up, how much did your siblings know or understand about what you were experiencing?
A lot of what was done was hidden from them. But being in the same house, you always know when somebody’s being treated differently. There was one day when Hannah and Leah snuck down to the room my mom had built. [Collin writes that Kate had a cell-like room built for him in the basement. It contained an air mattress and a security camera and was locked from the outside.] When she found out, she wasn’t very happy with them. They came down because they thought it was just some [kind of] bedroom, and they were gonna come play with their brother. They were down there laughing, and she was not happy when she found them. She made every effort to isolate me from my siblings. She pulled me out of school, [so while they] were at school, I was just with my mom. I wasn’t being homeschooled. I was home with my mom alone. I’ll just leave it at that.

Did any of your siblings also resist filming?
I’m not gonna say names, but I feel there were some who also didn’t want to be on camera. There were many vulnerable moments, and sometimes the steam would build and we’d voice it. There were interviews where I’d sit off to the side and be withdrawn and upset; that was my silent rebellion. But I remember moments where a few of my siblings [said something] to my mom. There’s only so long you can bury how you feel.

What do you think she told them when you left for Fairmount?
I’m sure it was the same spiel we received before. Young minds are easy to corrupt, and my mom knows this better than anybody. [When I had] tantrums [over] how upset I was with filming, she’d say, “Oh, your brother needs more help than you guys.” She would humiliate me. She would tell my siblings in front of me that I was basically damaged goods and needed more attention than them. When I was sent out, [she probably told them something] along those lines.

Besides Hannah, when did you last see your siblings?
It was a court-ordered playdate when we were about 14. I really wanted to feel that team dynamic [with them] again, but there wasn’t a whole lot of that. We had grown into different people. I enjoyed every second I could in their presence.

Any chance you could reconcile with them?
There’s just so much triangulation that my mom put between me and my siblings. I don’t know what they believe now as adults, but she did so much damage to our minds as kids.

Have you tried to reach out?
I think about it a lot, sending a text and asking how they’re doing. But it’s complicated. We don’t know each other. I can’t remember what they look or sound like. I don’t know what their hobbies are. There are so many simple things I wish I knew. But I realized the other day that the more I talk about these things and expose things my mom did, the more I may be indirectly separating myself from my siblings. Obviously they love her and they have a right to; she’s our mother. But I have to choose the path that advocates for others, and I will never stop speaking my truth.

You remain close with Hannah. How did you reconnect?
Hannah decided that she wanted to leave my mom’s house. [Neither of us] wanted to be part of that whole facade. When you’re one of eight, and then there are only two [who feel similarly], you don’t have many other options of who to lean on. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Hannah’s great, and she’s doing very well. She cares very deeply about people.

You went to live with your dad after Fairmount. What was that like?
When we first reunited, it was like, “Oh my gosh, I didn’t know you were looking for me.” I didn’t know he was going to court to find out where I was and that we were both kept in the dark. The last thing I was told was that he didn’t want anything to do with me. There was this huge, crazy moment when I was like, “I was told I wasn’t allowed to visit you,” and he was [like, “I was] told you didn’t want to visit me,” and we sat down and hashed it all out and realized we both wanted the same thing the whole time.

Was it hard to reconnect?
We were like two broken people trying to rebuild a relationship from scratch. I was like, “Who is this guy?” and he felt like, “I don’t know how to be there for my son after everything he’s gone through.” We worked on that, and now we’re closer than ever. Good things take time.

It’s a lot to overcome.
We always bonded over cars, trucks and motorcycles, so we did a lot of outings where we’d go to car shows. It sounds silly, but sometimes a common interest can bring people together.

You write that there was tension between you because your dad spoke about you in the press. [In 2019, Jon told Dr. Oz and other news outlets that Kate had Collin institutionalized without his knowledge or approval.]
I was about 15, and after everything I’d been through, I felt I should’ve been able to come home and just be a kid and not have those things out there in the media. I wasn’t ready to talk. My dad wanted the truth out there because for so long it was just my mom controlling the narrative. He was going head-to-head with my mom, saying, “You need to stop talking about my son because there’s nothing wrong with him. He lives at home and he’s a normal kid who’s going to school and doing great.” I felt I should be able to tell my story on my own terms, so that’s where that clash came from.

What’s your relationship like now?
In every single thing I do, in every challenge I take on, he’s my No. 1 supporter. We talk on the phone every day. He’s always there, and he’s always saying he’s proud of me. His friends will say, “Your dad talks about you all the time, and he’s so proud of you.” That’s what means the most to me.

Do you think there are any misconceptions about him?
He works hard, and he cares about me and Hannah and his wife and his puppy. Everybody’s going through something. They love to come after him, but he works every day to better himself, and he’s present for those around him, and that’s what matters.

Do you hope to be a dad one day?
People always ask me this, and without hesitation, I say yes.

Will what you’ve endured shape how you are as a parent?
It’s so simple to me: You should not forsake your child. You should not throw them in front of a camera against their will. I will support my children and their dreams. I was driving the other day, and I saw a father holding his little son’s hand walking, and I started tearing up — I don’t think it’s a crazy concept to think that as a parent, you should not hurt your children or send them away and exploit them.

Any regrets about telling your story?
No, because I feel like I’ve started a revolution. Children should not be forced to be laborers in front of a camera. Those were the hardest days I’ve ever faced, but the days ahead are gonna be much better. There’s a lot of possibility for change.

Are you still hoping to join the Marines?
I’m working on that. I’m not somebody to quit. I’m almost done with my bachelor’s degree, and my hope is to go back as an officer for the Marine Corps.

What’s something that makes you happy in your life now?
My best and longest friend, who I met during my hardest times in high school, became a father about a year and a half ago. We just all went to Florida together, and I’m the cool uncle to his kid. That’s what makes me happy. I held her when she was a baby, and now she’s growing up and walking. They are so present for their daughter, and when you don’t see that in your mother as a kid, it’s healing to [witness] it. It fills my heart with joy.

How do you feel about your mom today?
I spent enough of my life feeling grief and anger. As an adult, I’m doing the things I’ve always wanted to do and taking on these really cool challenges. This may sound rude, but in my day-to-day life, I don’t think about my mom. I think about my goals and the children I’m advocating for… I look to the future.

Us reached out to Kate Gosselin, Fairmount Behavioral Health System and TLC for comment.