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Jesse Lally‘s girlfriend, Lacy Nicole, opened up about her past kidnapping during an interview at the end of last week in hopes of giving context to what fans have seen in recent weeks on The Valley.

As Jesse, 45, continues to butt heads with estranged wife Michelle Saniei, 36, as their separation plays out on the show, Lacy, 34, who Scheana Shay accused of cheating on Jesse with “the guy from Baywatch,” explained why she didn’t join the show, detailed her past trauma, and shared how her romance with Jesse began.

“I positively and politely declined to film just for an array of my own personal reasons, but I am very proud of them,” Lacy told PEOPLE of The Valley cast on May 23. “It takes a lot of gumption and chutzpah to put yourself out there and show those moments. Last year when they so graciously invited me on to film, I don’t think I was there emotionally, with my own mental health.”

When she was in her early 20s, Lacy and her best friend were kidnapped and spent one night as hostages. And ever since, her mental health and healing from trauma have been at the forefront of her life. 

“It was a horrific crime,” Lacy shared. “We were taken by a gang of men, and the charges included human trafficking, kidnapping with the intent of sodomy and rape, assault, assault with a deadly weapon, burglary, carjacking, theft. There were 22 charges.”

Not having the tools needed to cope with such a devastating incident, Lacy said she “swallowed it and became very unwell,” developing “seven autoimmune diseases” and being put “on a plethora of medications” to help her “exist.”

After the incident, Lacy testified in court, which she felt was “worse than the crime.”

“It’s the aftereffects that kind of boggle you,” she explained. “But the testimony is when I really decided to start learning about why I was so unwell.”

After seeking out help, Lacy initially saw success with “an EMDR module talk therapy.” However, in time, the treatment “almost started to re-traumatize [her].”

“For me, it was really inner child work, which is another cliché in our society now,” she revealed. “But revisiting the building blocks that made me into who I am today and writing letters to younger me and grabbing my hand, even grabbing 20-year-old me that night and saying, ‘You’re okay. You’re safe. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to feel seen. You can validate yourself,’ was a huge one for me. When you don’t have those tools, it’s a scary existence because you’re seeking validation from outside sources.”

Because she still experiences post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from the incident, she has to set certain boundaries for herself. 

“I’m terrified to go in movie theaters,” she stated. “Something about it triggers my PTSD. I try my hardest just to avoid them. At this point — if it’s been eight years and I’m still terrified to sit in a theater — I politely decline.”

In addition to prayer and journaling, Lacy practices self-validation and continues to lean on the friend who was with her that night. 

“She was so structured and so strong. And it wasn’t until years later she kind of had these effects, I was quite the opposite. She’s really given me the okay — with her permission — to share my experiences and use them to help others, even if her healing wasn’t necessarily linear to my healing,” Lacy explained.

Lacy has also found hope in her three-year-old daughter.

“Physicians told me I had a 0% chance of ever becoming pregnant naturally, and I was so devastated and heartbroken,” she recalled. “Becoming a mom was this full circle moment of, in a unique way, you get to kind of reparent yourself through another set of eyes; really just showing the strength of work, and inner healing work, and trauma work.”

Moving on to Jesse, Lacy said, “He’s great,” revealing that they began their relationship as friends whose daughters were friends before he became “a kind of confidant” as they navigated their separations.

“I don’t have any issue with anyone filming,” she clarified. “You sign up for it if you’re dating someone [on TV], and I respect that. It’s anything to do with my safety, I will always set that boundary.”

“I’ve been dragged to the mud. I’ve been cross-examined for years. And I am human,” she continued. “When everyone makes fun of my face on Instagram, and on the show, of course, it hurts my feelings, but I can handle it. But I was violently attacked, so I’m really proud of where I’ve come.”

Currently, Lacy hosts the Shame to Sparkle podcast, where she aims to help women who’ve experienced similar trauma.

“Sparkling is going back to that version of you that came to this world absolutely perfect,” Lacy shared. “It’s being able to take that shame and shine the way you were meant to at your core. Being a victim of a crime really does give us an opportunity to be victorious in our life. And to [say], ‘What is the universe teaching me on how I can help others?’ ”

The Valley season two airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Bravo.