Kim Kardashian has been dropping hints about wanting to get married again, but a source exclusively tells In Touch she’s been traumatized by the failure of her first three marriages. Now, she is hoping to move on from her past and write a new chapter of her love life.

“Kim tries to look at her mistakes as life lessons, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t pretty embarrassed to have three failed marriages under her belt,” the insider says. The reality star, 44, first got hitched at age 19 to music producer Damon Thomas, who was 10 years her senior at the time. The relationship obviously didn’t last and they divorced just over three years into their marriage, in 2003. Then came Kim’s infamously short union to Kris Humphries. They wed after just six months of dating, in 2011, but then split 72 days later after Kim filed for divorce due to “irreconcilable differences.”

Third husband Kanye West would turn out to be her longest marriage yet. The SKIMS founder had confided in the rapper, 47, after her split from NBAer Kris and the two tied the knot in May 2014, after oldest kid, North, was born in June 2013. They share four kids in total, including daughter Chicago, 7, and sons Saint, 9, and Psalm, 5. After a public meltdown and continuing erratic behavior on the part of the “Stronger” rapper, Kim filed for divorce in February 2021.

The source notes that, even though Kim’s now focused on her children primarily, “She can’t help but worry that she’ll never find ‘the one’ for life, which is very sad because that’s all she wanted growing up, to meet her person and stay with them until the end.” 

“But it hasn’t worked out that way, and what’s even harder is how public her failures have been, so there’s this layer of embarrassment, too.” 

Despite the very public implosion of her relationships, Kim revealed on a recent episode of The Kardashians discussed marrying again with sister Khloé Kardashian, saying, “I wonder what my next ring shape will be? For my last and final hurrah.” The thought experiment came after she alluded to “secretly” dating someone back in January, though the mystery man’s identity has yet to be revealed. Still, the source notes that even though, “She knows people are judging her,” Kim is willing to keep trying until she finds her life partner. 

“She really did believe in all three of her marriages, but after having three failures, it takes real courage to try again,” the insider explains. “Kanye, especially, left a lasting scar and she’s still dealing with the aftermath.” As In Touch previously reported, Kim even has a “no-Kanye talk” rule set up in her house to avoid any extra trauma to the children as Ye continues acting out in public.

“Even though he gave her four wonderful kids, the marriage was a nightmare in the end. Still, she’s a romantic at heart and there’s no way she can give up on the idea of love and commitment, but there’s no denying she still has some damage to work through.”