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Richard E. Grant recently shared the heartfelt promise he made to his wife, Joan, before her untimely passing. Joan, a respected dialect coach, passed away in September 2021 at the age of 74, just eight months after receiving a diagnosis of stage four lung cancer.
Her diagnosis was particularly devastating, arriving merely four weeks after Richard had terminated their health insurance due to complications with their provider.
In spite of this setback, Joan received what Richard described as “incredible” care from the National Health Service staff at Royal Marsden Hospital, an institution he has publicly commended on numerous occasions.
Fulfilling Joan’s wish to avoid dying in a hospital, she was admitted for just four days before being transferred home to spend her final days.
Richard recounted to The Times, “Upon her diagnosis, she made me promise that she wouldn’t die in hospital. With the right assistance, we were able to honor that wish.”
Joan had access to a drug specifically targeting the rare form of lung cancer she suffered from, which meant there was “no hair loss or chemotherapy”.
However, after three months, she expressed concerns that the treatment might not be working.
“At the Marsden, Wanda [a young oncologist] came back with the blood tests in tears, saying, ‘I’m afraid, Jo, you are correct,’” the 68-year-old recalled. “But I was grateful for the extra three months that we did have.”
In his book A Pocketful of Happiness, Richard revealed that Joan had also wanted them to be holding hands when she passed.
“Of course, you hope that you’re going to be able to fulfil that,” he wrote. “But the reality is you have no idea. But as it turned out, that is exactly what happened.”
Having been “so exhausted by the disease,” the actor also recalled Joan asking him to “let [her] go” around ten days before her death.
“That is such a powerful thing, because on the one hand, it’s such a contradiction, because you want the person to live as long as possible,” he explained. “But at the same time, if they are saying, ‘I am exhausted by this, I long to end this’.”
Almost five years on from her death, Richard admits he still cries every day and writes letters to Joan.
“I write to Joan every night. I have no woolly spiritual delusion that I’m going to get a response, but it somehow keeps the connection going,” he told the publication. The couple first met when Richard sought dialect lessons after being turned down for some acting roles.
After agreeing on a price, he visited Joan at her home and admitted he was initially disappointed to learn she was married. But when her relationship ended a few months later, they had a dinner date and never looked back.
The pair married four years later, in 1986, and welcomed their only child, daughter Olivia, now 37. Since Joan’s death, Richard has not dated and admitted last year that the idea of being vulnerable with somebody else is “mortifying”.
“I have no expectation that I will fall in love again, which is not to say that it couldn’t or wouldn’t happen. I’m not there on a dating app trying to find it,” he told The Sunday Times Culture Magazine.