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Credit: Startraksphoto

Teddi Mellencamp opened up about her marriage to estranged husband Edwin Arroyave during an interview on Tuesday.

While admitting to wondering if her cancer diagnosis was “karma” for her reported affair with horse trainer Simon Schroeder, and explaining what led her into the arms of another man, the 44-year-old Real Housewives of Beverly Hills alum reflected on the resentment she held against Edwin, 48, due to his infidelity as she addressed the possibility of a reconciliation.

“It wasn’t necessarily the act. It was with somebody I knew. And I’m not saying that I didn’t make huge mistakes in my marriage, post-that. But that broke me,” Teddi shared on the August 5 episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show. “That was the first time in my life where I was like, ‘How will I show up every day with a smile on my face and raise these kids and be this perfect wife and start a television show and become somebody that people like?’”

Although Teddi faced claims of seeming different on the show, she explained that she wasn’t herself because she was coping with Edwin’s affair at the time — and living in fear that his cheating would be exposed.

“I was so scared that someone was going to find out and ruin my family’s life,” she revealed.

Following the affair, Teddi only told her best friend. But because she was a public figure, she was ultimately faced with financial threats from the woman involved.

“That was like, even more heart-wrenching because I was like, ‘You’d be willing to do this to my family for money — and not even a lot of it? Disgusting,’” she fumed. “That person called me and told me and it was a couple days before filming on my first season.”

Despite her husband’s infidelity, Teddi did not want to end her marriage at that time.

“I had to beg Edwin to want to stay with me. I had to beg him,” she confirmed. “I don’t think he was in love with me at that point. I think we’ve gone through times in our marriage where we’ve been madly in love with each other, but that wasn’t one of those times.”

While Teddi and Edwin’s marriage “got better” from there, she filed for divorce at the end of last year, and claims of an affair with Simon began swirling.

“I’ve never talked about it at all, just because of the kids, and I never wanted anybody to have a guarantee whether it happened or didn’t happen. But what I can say is, did I do things that hurt other people? Yes. To this day does it still break my heart, and I wonder if that’s why I got cancer? Yes. Like, it was my payback. Nothing goes without payment, I guess,” she stated.

According to Teddi, the fallout from her relationship ended up “all over the press.”

“Now, not only do you have yourself, you have your significant other, your kids, the other person’s significant other, their kids, so many people are hurt in the wreckage, but I can say this from knowing, the wreckage doesn’t happen on its own,” she noted. 

Looking back at that time in her life, Teddi said she was “so sick” and “so broken.”

“I was looking for comfort anywhere I could get it,” she confessed. “I felt so much pain. I felt so sick. I didn’t go to the doctors, and I just felt some certain kind of way, and the pain was so much that I had gotten to the point of almost hating waking up in the morning.”

“I wasn’t myself and I’m not gonna blame that I was sick, but I do think a bunch of things happened in my life all around the same time and I had zero control of any of them,” she continued. 

Teddi went on to say that while she wants Edwin to be happy, a reunion is unlikely since she “[knows] how [her] marriage works” and is no longer willing to change.

“The old me would’ve gone above and beyond to do anything to make sure that he can go to this event or that I can attend this with him or that we could go on this trip, that I would be home by this time because that would make it more convenient for him and the kids or whatever it may be. And I’m not like that anymore,” she shared. 

Also during the interview, Teddi admitted that Edwin “changed certain things” and became softer since her initial cancer diagnosis, as she suggested that he could’ve saved their marriage if he’d been kinder from the start.

“I don’t know for sure, but maybe I would’ve responded differently. But I had already had resentment by then,” she explained.