I’ve had a brainwave. The lightbulb went on as I was reading about the ghastly trolls who took it upon themselves to lambast, mock, jeer at and generally traduce Ulrika Jonsson for, er… for… well, for WHAT, exactly? Being Ulrika, basically. For daring to be 57. For having the brass neck to appear on a podcast without bothering to put on much if any make-up.

But trolls don’t need a logical, sane reason to spout their bile, do they? They have a kind of psychological vomit reflex, hair-triggered by pretty much anything and anyone. They’re all the same. They use the same abusive language. And that realisation is what gave me my big idea.

I’ll come to it in a moment: first, a quick summary of what Ulrika had to endure this week after joining Made In Chelsea star Spencer Matthews in an online discussion about sobriety.

Afterwards, Miss Jonnson wrote on Instagram: “I wore no make-up. Partly because I kinda forgot that a project for the ears is, nowadays, a feast for the eyes. But as someone who has had to wear heavy make-up on screen from 5am for years, I’m not a fan.

“Crucially, since childhood, I’ve suffered from eczema… make-up has always been the enemy because it’s agony to wear.”

“Over-tanned and ageing” typifies the delightful feedback Ulrika received from anonymous (they’re always anonymous) keyboard warriors.

Charming, eh? I doubt one of them would have the nerve to say anything remotely like that to her pretty face. But they hide behind online anonymity and revel in their own cruelty. I liked Ulrika’s pithy response.

“Making people feel s**t doesn’t make you a hero.”

But maybe it should get you blocked from having access to the internet – access of any kind – for a chunk of time, at least; a week, say, rising to a month after repeat offences.

And that’s my brainwave.

Why can’t online platforms use artificial intelligence to identify abusive posts? And having identified them – key words and phrases would be the giveaway – in effect taking the car keys away from abusers. Entering the wrong password more than three times can get you locked out of an online account for a fixed period – I see it working like that.

Well, I think it’s a brilliant idea.

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We’ve known Vanessa Feltz for more than 30 years. I can think of many ways to describe the writer and broadcaster but “fascist Zionist scum” doesn’t quite make the cut.

For the simple reason that it’s not only nakedly abusive: it’s wildly inaccurate. Lovely Vanessa is as much a fascist as I am. She’s a free-thinking, democratic spirit to her core.

“Scum” we can dismiss out of hand and, as for “Zionist”, what the person who screamed this antisemitic abuse at her through a megaphone on a London street this week was REALLY saying there, was “Jewish”.

This moron had recognised Vanessa as she walked home from work; a well-known British person who happens to be Jewish.

He launched his attack purely because she is Jewish. No. Other. Reason. And that’s where we’re at with antisemitism on our streets now. It’s naked, it’s ugly, it’s unashamed, and it’s got to be stamped on, good and hard.

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So, it appears Generation Z – students, basically – don’t know how to boil a kettle. Most don’t even own a kettle: according to a survey this week, late teens and 20-somethings boil a teabag in a mug of water by shoving it in the microwave for three minutes.

Well, rather than condemning this out of hand, I thought – purely on your behalf – I’d give it a go. Does the boil-in-the-microwave tea taste any good?

Reader. IT’S AWFUL. Like moderately-flavoured socks. Never, ever, EVER try it.