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Virginia Admiral and Robert De Niro Sr. divorced in the mid-1940s when he came out as gay, The Guardian reported. The issue was never discussed in Robert De Niro’s home. He told Out, “My mother didn’t want to talk about things in general.” And he and his father, having limited time with each other, never developed the bond necessary for De Niro Sr. to open up about private affairs. The times were also of no help. De Niro Jr. added, “He probably was [conflicted], being from that generation, especially from a small town upstate.”
De Niro didn’t fully understand what his father went through until he came across diaries following his death in 1993. “It was sad for me to read. He had his demons … I was sorry,” he told The Guardian. From the notebooks, De Niro also learned that the hostility his father faced over his sexuality affected his mental health. “If God doesn’t want me to be homosexual (about which I have so much guilt), he will find a woman whom I will love and who will love me,” De Niro Sr. wrote in a passage.
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De Niro Sr., however, understood his sexuality wasn’t the issue. “I really don’t want my homosexuality to be cured,” he wrote. Learning about the extent of his father’s suffering inspired De Niro to see him in a different light. “I wish we had spoken about it much more,” he told Out.
If you or someone you know needs help with mental health, please contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741, call the National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), or visit the National Institute of Mental Health website.
