Kailyn Lowry is unpacking conflicting feelings. 

The Teen Mom alum—mom to Elliot, 15, Lincoln, 11, Lux, 7, Creed, 5, Rio, 2, and twins Valley and Verse, 16 months—recently shared that her father Raymond Lowry has entered hospice for stage four chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, but she wasn’t sure how to feel considering their estranged relationship. 

“I am joining the dead dads club,” Kailyn said on the July 29 episode of her Karma and Chaos podcast. “Raymond has COPD, stage four.” 

However, Kailyn—who confirmed her breakup from Elijah Scott earlier this month—admitted she already feels a part of the club, noting, “He’s deadbeat so same thing.”

Despite their fractured relationship, though, Kailyn admitted she felt conflicted about her father being at the end of his life. 

“It’s layered,” she explained. “Obviously I don’t have a relationship with him, I never did. But I feel like I didn’t ever get the answers I’ve been looking for.”