Lily Allen has opened up about the emotional turmoil she faced after discovering her husband, David Harbour, had been involved in a three-year affair with a younger colleague. This revelation pushed her to a dark place, where she contemplated suicide.

The 39-year-old singer, who ended her relationship with the “Stranger Things” actor, 50, in December, revealed she struggled with the aftermath, nearly relapsing into alcohol and drug use. She also developed a significant issue with food as a coping mechanism.

In a candid discussion with British Vogue, Lily shared that she recognized the need for professional help when she found herself with thoughts of ending her life. “I’ve had real problems with food over the past few years,” she admitted, noting that her eating issues worsened significantly during the breakup.

Having maintained sobriety for six years, Lily described the despair she felt as overwhelming. “The last time I felt anything like that, drugs and alcohol were my way out,” she explained, underscoring the difficulty of confronting such intense emotions without resorting to old habits.

The star, who has been sober for six years, added: ‘The feelings of despair that I was experiencing were so strong. The last time that I felt anything like that, drugs and alcohol were my way out, so it was excruciating to sit with those [feelings] and not to use them.’

On putting herself into a residential facility, she shared: ‘I’ve been into those places before against my will and I feel like that’s progress in itself. [on her self awareness] That’s strength. I knew that the things I was feeling were too extreme to be able to manage, and I was like, ‘I need some time away.’

Lily Allen told British Vogue she became suicidal after discovering husband David Harbour’s three-year affair as she admits she ‘came close to relapsing on drink and drugs and developed a really, really bad problem with food’

The star, who has been sober for six years, added: ‘The feelings of despair that I was experiencing were so strong. The last time that I felt anything like that, drugs and alcohol were my way out, so it was excruciating to sit with those [feelings] and not to use them’ 

The singer, 39, called time on her relationship with the Stranger Things star, 50, in December after discovering he was using the celebrity dating app Raya (pictured in December 2023)

Lily shared that her upcoming album is about her marriage to David and revealed how she felt making it. 

She said: ‘There are things that are on the record that I experienced within my marriage, but that’s not to say that it’s all gospel. It is inspired by what went on in the relationship.’

Lily said that at the time of writing her new album she felt: ‘Confusion, sorrow, grief, helplessness.’

Earlier this year, The Daily Mail revealed that the actress’ upcoming LP will be released by her label BMG later this autumn.

Speaking on how all of her albums have been informed by big traumatic experiences, she continued: ‘My first album really was the break-up of my first love. And my second one was – this is going to sound so stupid – but the Trauma of Fame. 

‘Sheezus was a mess, because I was a pop star who suddenly had two children and didn’t fit into this world. So actually it’s kind of exactly what it should have been.

‘Then my last album was emerging from the detritus of my first marriage. And we’ll see what happens with these songs!’ 

Elsewhere during the chat she reflected on her relationship with David, sharing: ‘There were lots of good things about it. My kids had an amazing experience living in America for five years, and I have a lot of compassion for my ex-husband. I think we all suffer.’

She told the publication: ‘I’ve had real problems with food over the past few years.’ [In the thick of the break up] ‘it got really, really, really bad’

Lily shares daughters Marnie, 11, and Ethel, 13, with ex-husband Sam Cooper, to whom she was married from 2011 to 2018.

She opened up on if she worries about her teenage daughters, saying: ‘I try not to smother them. I feel like I can try and shield them and protect them from things, but I don’t think that really works. 

See the full feature in the November issue of British Vogue, available via digital download and on newsstands from Tuesday 21st October

‘A big part of what I’m doing at the moment creatively is for them. I need to show them that, yeah, we’ve been through something f*****g devastating – twice now – and that I can get us through.’

Sharing where she is at with dating now, Lily said: ‘Because when you get to 40, you go into a different category and your selection is suddenly very different. Listen, I am in a period of self-discovery at the moment and I’m really trying to explore how I’ve got myself into certain situations in the past. I need to unpack some things and break some patterns and probably talk to my therapist about my relationship with my dad.’

And on why she thinks that there are less suitable men, Lily added: ‘I think the internet happened. And I think the abundance of opportunity that the internet has created and the ease with which things and people are available is what happened.’

In March, as she held a live recording of her podcast Lily said she was still grappling with her breakup.

She admitted: ‘I am not over it. I am sort of running away. Maybe I will have a nervous breakdown.’

In August, Lily confirmed she’s moving out of her New York townhouse following her split from David.

Elsewhere during the chat she reflected on her relationship with David, sharing: ‘There were lots of good things about it. My kids had an amazing experience living in America’

The former couple moved into the art deco home in Brooklyn in 2020 shortly after their Las Vegas wedding, with the beloved property even featuring in Architectural Digest.

It was then revealed last December that their relationship was over, with reports soon following that the Stranger Things actor had cheated on the singer.

And in a bid for a fresh start amid her marriage woes, Lily has purchased an ex-council flat in London, and recently told how she’s thrown herself into decorating which has ‘helped’ her through her ‘hard time’.

The Smile hitmaker told The Mirror how she’s been taking inspiration from interior design magazines, remarking: ‘I’m really enjoying those at the moment. I’ve obviously had quite a hard time and that’s really helped me’.

Speaking on her Miss Me? podcast back in March, Lily opened up about her new property, which she’ll live in with her two daughters, as she chatted to co-host Miquita Oliver.

She shared: ‘This flat that I’ve bought, is in a social housing building, I have kind of given myself a ‘get out’ clause because it is slap bang in the area which I grew up in, so I don’t feel like I am coming from outside and coming into the area and gentrifying it.’

Lily added: ‘I have wanted to live in this building since I was a baby, it’s been a dream of mine forever and finally a flat became available in here and I was in a position to buy it and I did. But I know people have got judgement around it.’

Elsewhere, the stunning New York abode Lily left behind features an eye-catching tiger-print media room and a luxury kitchen inspired by The Godfather.

While it also boasts floral Parisian-inspired rooms and a stunning walk-in wardrobe filled with designer goods.

Actor David and musician Lily married in Las Vegas in September 2020 

Lily and ex David completed renovations on the property in 2023 with the help of interior designer Billy Cotton and architect Ben Bischoff, with the then couple giving a tour to Architectural Digest.

However, in May, Lily admitted she felt ‘feeling incredibly low’ and lonely in her New York City home as she candidly opened up following her break-up.

The songwriter who confirmed her split from David in January, explained that she has been feeling ‘extremely heavy’ as she ‘doesn’t have that much to do here’ in the city.

She moved to Brooklyn in 2020 to be closer to David, enrolling her daughters in local schools.

Revealing she was taking a break from social media, the Smile hitmaker said there is ‘nothing filling the gaps’ as she is no longer doom scrolling.

Their separation came after Lily turned amateur sleuth after speculating that David had ‘cheated’ on the same dating app on which they met.

Lily was left in ‘agony’ when she allegedly discovered the actor had a secret profile on the celebrity dating app Raya.

The pop star joined the app herself, pretending to be ‘looking for women’ – and allegedly found that David had already set up a dating profile.

He was reportedly listed on the app as being active for at least a month.

See the full feature in the November issue of British Vogue, available via digital download and on newsstands from Tuesday 21st October.