Louise Thompson took to her Instagram on Monday to share a photo of her posing in a bikini, before admitting to suffering an ’emotional breakdown’ shortly afterwards.
The former Made In Chelsea star, 32, suffers from PTSD and postnatal anxiety after nearly dying when she gave birth to her son, Leo, in November 2021, as a result of experiencing ‘intense traumatic incidences in such close proximity of one another’.
She shared a stunning photo of herself in a mirror sporting a rainbow bikini that showed off her incredible figure and chiselled tummy.
Looking good: Louise Thompson took to her Instagram on Monday to share a photo of her posing in a bikini, before admitting to suffering an ’emotional breakdown’ shortly afterwards
Captioning it, Louise wrote: ‘Carving our 15 minutes for a quick sauna. @ryan.libbey has been lecturing me on the benefits so I’m going to give it a go.’
She also shared a video post-sauna, dripping in sweat from the spa experience, before dipping her tow in the pool to cool down.
However, a few hours later, she took to her Stories once again to share a photo of her cuddling her one-year-old son Leo close.
Writing over the top, Louise wrote that shortly after the sauna, she had become emotionally distressed and couldn’t stop hysterically crying.
Awful: The former Made In Chelsea star, 32, suffers from PTSD and postnatal anxiety after nearly dying when she gave birth to her son, Leo, in November 2021, as a result of experiencing ‘intense traumatic incidences in such close proximity of one another’
She wrote: ‘Gosh something nuts happened after the sauna. I had a total emotional breakdown. Came home couldn’t stop hysterical crying.
‘Was so confused as to what was happening around me, couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me and felt like I hadn’t made any progress at all.
‘I felt totally trapped in my brain, the most horrendous feeling ever. Like stress as you know it x1000000)’.
The sad incident comes after Louise explained how she feels a ‘deep sadness’ and like she has ‘let down’ Leo because she ‘can’t remember the first five months’ of his life.
Brave: The sad incident comes after Louise explained how she feels a ‘deep sadness’ and like she has ‘let down’ Leo because she ‘can’t remember the first five months’ of his life
The TV personality branded herself a ‘cr*p parent’ in the early months of little Leo’s life and said she was ‘angry’ and wanted to ‘cry’ as she looked back at that period in an emotive Instagram post on Wednesday.
The beauty shared a gallery of sweet photos of herself and Leo – who she shares with fiancé Ryan Libbey, 32 – as she revealed the first few months after giving birth were a ‘haze’ and ‘very scary’.
Louise wrote alongside her Instagram post: ‘I looked at thousands of photos of my little Leo last night and then again this morning (many of which I’d never seen) and yet I still feel unsure on what to post to mark this momentous occasion.
‘However, it seems strange not to address the elephant in the room, so here’s a really mundane photo of me and my baby boy yesterday morning getting ready for the day.
‘I feel so privileged’: The beauty shared a gallery of sweet photos of herself and Leo – who she shares with fiancé Ryan Libbey, 32 – as she revealed the first few months after giving birth were a ‘haze’ and ‘very scary’
‘I feel so privileged to be able to do normal boring s**t with him. Yesterday my attitude was to simply get through the day and to try not to make it all about me.
‘I just wanted to have a nice time with Leo and his grandparents. Today I’ve had a bit more time for self reflection and to be honest when I look back over the past year (mainly through images taken) I feel mixed emotions.’
She continued: ‘I feel a bit angry, like I want to swear a lot, especially when I look at how glazed over I was at the beginning of his journey on earth.
‘Then I want to cry. I want to cry because I was a totally CRAP parent. I really was. and it wasn’t my fault. But it didn’t need to be that way. There was no connection, in fact I can’t even remember anything for the first five months of his life.
‘I was a c**p parent’: The TV personality branded herself a ‘cr*p parent’ in the early months of little Leo’s life and said she was ‘angry’ and wanted to ‘cry’ as she looked back at that period
‘I know that the whole thing is a haze for most new mums, but for me I think it was different. I literally didn’t know what was going on around me.
‘I look like a different person and am acting quite weird in some of the videos too, like I’m not really all THERE! What happened to Louise? I’m kind of skew eyed and a bit vacant. It’s actually very scary for me to see.’
Describing her ‘painful’ time in hospital before being discharged for the first time, the influencer said she ‘collapsed on the floor with relief that I was alive’ after what she had been through.
She added: ‘There are also a couple of particularly raw videos of me from a hospital bed talking to camera in excruciating pain because I hadn’t received my meds and something was clearly pretty wrong inside.
‘That was before I was discharged the first time. There are some interesting ones of Ryan sleeping on the floor too. I didn’t feel safe and I couldn’t look after the baby.
‘I feel deep sadness’: Louise went on to detail the ‘torture’ she went through after welcoming Leo and that there ‘aren’t adjectives powerful enough to explain the pain’ she went through
‘Then the video of me arriving home collapsing on the floor with relief that I was alive and that I was finally going to start my new parenthood journey (before I was readmitted and things got a whole lot worse).
‘It’s funny because I didn’t think they could get ANY WORSE than they’d already been at the time. It was the worst I’d experienced (or heard about) and then it got even worse.
Louise went on to detail the ‘torture’ she went through after welcoming Leo and that there ‘aren’t adjectives powerful enough to explain the pain’ she went through.
She wrote: ‘My poor brain hadn’t even had time to process the first disaster. When I think about it, it’s pretty rare for someone to have SUCH intense traumatic incidences happen in such close proximity of one another. There is some really stark stuff in there.
‘I won’t share lots of the photos right now because it’s going to require too much work and effort from me. I’d need to explain everything and it just feels SO complex what I’ve been through.
‘Time heals’: Despite feeling ‘sad’ and like she ‘failed’ her baby boy, Louise admitted in the lengthy caption that she is ‘glad’ her and Ryan documented Leo’s first year
‘I could post a photo every hour for a year and it wouldn’t be enough to explain the magnitude of the torture. It would be a full time job and it wouldn’t even do it justice.
‘Sometimes I feel like there aren’t adjectives powerful enough to explain the pain. Thankfully there are some nicer, lighter memories scattered in-between which are easier to look at.
‘There are maybe one or two days every month for the past 12 months. My birthday, Ryan’s birthday, that time we went to the zoo, the time we went to Soho Farmhouse.
‘Everything in-between was pretty rubbish and sketchy. There seemed to be more doctors appointments than hot dinners. I’ve never seen my face look so chiselled either.’
Despite feeling ‘sad’ and like she ‘failed’ her baby boy, Louise admitted she is ‘glad’ she and Ryan documented Leo’s first year.
Tough year: Louise said she had ‘shed a few tears thinking about what today would’ve looked like if I hadn’t made it’ as she reflected on a tough year (Leo pictured in NICU)
She continued: ‘But I’m glad we have documented a lot because it will be important to have those images and things to look back on over time and whilst I definitely do NOT want it to define him, it is part of little Leo’s journey, and of mine!!
‘Whilst I feel deep sadness looking at the images of him as a baby because I feel like I’ve let him down… sort of failed him for not doing my absolute best to prioritise him, it also makes me love him even more which is never a bad thing.
‘It really pulls on my heart strings. He is such a little angel.
‘He actually looks more like a rugby ball in the early months – isn’t it crazy how you think your baby is the cutest baby in the world at the time, then you look back and think they weren’t because they are actually the cutest baby in the world NOW.
‘That’s one thing I think all parents can agree on, regardless of circumstances. Phew.’
Looking forward, the MIC star said she is ‘excited for the year ahead’ and celebrated her own anniversary ‘of a new life’.
Reflecting: It comes after Louise shared a snap of newborn son Leo in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) for the first time on Tuesday to mark his first birthday
She added: ‘So his 1st birthday felt as much of a birthday as it was my 1st anniversary of a new life. A complicated life, but hopefully a fruitful one.
‘But as each year passes it will become less of an anniversary of nearly dying, and instead just a BRILLIANT (and normal) BIRTHDAY.
‘Moving forward, I actually feel a a little excited about the year ahead. I feel a sense of calm because I know that I can already handle it because I’ve already done one of everything, every day with Leo in our lives.
‘Remember guys, keep on going. Even if your head feels totally lost. If you feel like you have strayed so far from your essence and you’re worried you will never get back to that happy please, give it time.
‘Time heals. Don’t give up. Keep going for you and for loved ones.’
Louise has endured a difficult year after she nearly died during her son Leo’s birth, who she shares with Ryan, and spent five weeks in hospital suffering with ‘serious complications’.
She has since been battling post-traumatic stress disorder and post-natal anxiety, admitting during one week in January that she cried up to 20 times.
The star has been honest with her fans about her daily struggles, revealing at points that the anxiety felt ‘inexplicable’ but now she’s learning to ‘make sense of it.’
Louise, who often calls son Leo her ‘little miracle baby’, manages to control her anxiety, and after obsessively checking her temperature, blood pressure, and heart rate, is able to go about her normal, daily routine.
If you have been affected by this story please contact Birth Trauma Association at birthtraumaassociation.org.uk
For help and support with perinatal mental illness please contact PANDAS on 0808 1961 776
Family: Louise has endured a difficult year after she nearly died during her son Leo’s birth, who she shares with husband Ryan Libbey, and spent five weeks in hospital