My expectations were not high for “Tonnato” (The Bear Season 4 Episode 9), as I assumed that most of it would be a one-on-one showdown between Carmy and Donna, chewing up the scenery and pandering for awards season. Season 3’s “Ice Chips” episode – the one where Donna sits with Sug in the delivery room was guilty of this. 

Throughout that episode, we find out that they shared similar fears about motherhood – that Donna grew up in an abusive household. Then she became the abuser of all her kids. Sug said she doesn’t want to scare her daughter the way Donna scared her. Donna took some responsibility and then vowed to be a better grandmother. Cue the Ronettes song, “Baby, I Love You,” then enter baby Sophie, and each of them finally found a little bit of peace.

The stakes are different with Carmy – he opted for the nomadic life of a culinary chef and, depending on who’s telling the story, he either escaped or abandoned the Berzattos. He’s purposely avoided his mother for years now, especially after Mikey died. He’s not ready to lay the broken parts of him at her feet – he’ll put that on the restaurant and his staff instead. 

Before we get to their showdown, here’s some other Bear stuff that’s addressed. Syd and Cicero have a heart-to-heart about the state of the restaurant. He apologizes for “turning off the hose and stuff,” and she apologizes for not making The Bear a success. Cicero tells her how much of a pleasure it’s been to watch her growth and apologizes again for his “fuckhead nephew” for the drama. Then they hug it out.

One of the more disturbing and demeaning moments in this episode is when Marcus’s roommate, Chester, comes to visit the kitchen to drop off some paperwork regarding the sale of his mother’s house. Upon arrival, he meets Luca face-to-face, and this creates a problem. Chester blushes and becomes a bumbling, awkward, sweaty mess for the rest of the episode. He fully admits to Sydney how surprised he was by Luca’s appearance. “I just didn’t expect him to be so sexy.” Okay, okay – take it easy, Chester. Christ. 

More action: Tina finally conquers the cavatelli. And then The Computer is intrigued by Albert Schnurr’s Italian Beef franchise idea, which he’s pitched to Ebra, and wants to hear more. We also find out the context of the Food & Wine conversation Sug had over the phone – Marcus made its list of breakout chefs. 

Now let’s dig into Carmy and Donna. Throughout the last three seasons, Donna has been an oppressive presence, spoken about in hushed tones, the official Babadook of the Berzattos. After we’re first officially introduced to her at the chaotic Christmas Eve dinner “Fishes” flashback, it’s clear what the surface problem is: she’s a rage-filled drunk – unmanageable and unremorseful; she leaves a towering wake. (Again the “Ice Chips” episode introduced some of her own troubled childhood and how that influenced her mothering.)

By the time she appears at Tiff and Frank’s wedding, we find out that she’s attempting to be healthier, and doesn’t drink at the wedding. So when Carmy shows up, toting the box of photo albums, it’s obvious this is who she wanted to deliver them to all along. She wants to tell him all she’s learned so far. “Just for a second,” she asks. Carmy still isn’t sure he wants to – he has a failing restaurant that needs his attention –  but she wondered politely enough, and he placates her. He takes a look around his mother’s house, taking it all in and marveling at how much it has changed since the last time he was there. (There isn’t a smoldering car crashed through a wall, for one thing.) He scans the kitchen table, and his eyes are drawn to Mikey’s empty chair. 

She invites him to sit while she sifts through the photo album, pointing out various “jagoff” uncles and (one aunt). Everything is light, Carmy is patient, but also waiting for the situation to turn ugly, as is their history. When Donna pops up to grab a letter she wrote, she then reveals to him that she has been sober for a little under a year – “it’s not much but it’s something.” There are many tears as she reads through all the parts of her life she’s deeply ashamed of – she lied, she drank, she screamed. She has guilt about Michael’s suicide, but also guilt about her broken heart. She tells Carmy she wrote “I’m sorry” about 25 more times. She also tells him she loves him and she wants to be part of his life again. 

Carmy wasn’t prepared for the level of honesty, and it also appears that he wasn’t prepared for how much he needed to hear it. He’s been sinking in his own shame for far too long. 

After she’s done reading, he tells her she did good, and then once all is forgiven, he makes her something to eat. He could have easily whipped together something quick and easy, but since she had a whole chicken sitting there in the fridge, he went full-flex on her. 

DONNA: “Where did you learn this one?” 

CARMY: “French Laundry. I made it every day.” 

One last big thing: Pete (Chris Witaske) finally gets hold of Sydney and asks if she has had a chance to look over the new ownership agreement (she hasn’t). Pete lets her know that Carmy’s name isn’t on it – one side is Cicero, the other side is just her and Sug. Yikes. 

THE BEAR SEASON 4 EPISODE 9: LEFTOVERS

QUESTIONS I STILL HAVE: As she goes through the photo album with Carmy, she shows a picture of young Cicero with his first wife who looks remarkably like, Laura Linney – no? 

MIDDLE-AGED DAD NEEDLE DROP: “Save it For Later.” This is a nice callback to the best part of Season 3, when Eddie Vedder recorded a special rendition of The English Beat classic. 

CARMY ARM PORN: NONE. He is sleeved the entire episode. So let’s pivot to … LUCA ARM PORNOGRAPHY:  All hail the new king. 

THE BEAR – SEASON 4: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

Can’t get enough of The Bear Season 4? For more insight, analysis, GIFs, and close-ups of Carmy’s arms, check out some highlights of Decider’s coverage:

A.J. Daulerio is a Los Angeles-based writer and editor. He is also the founder of The Small Bow, a recovery newsletter.