Hilaria was by his side throughout, though the stress took its toll. “She is the most spiritually ascended human being I’ve ever met, and she was kind to me and supportive of me,” Alec said on a December episode of David Duchovny‘s Fail Better podcast. “She was frustrated. She was in pain. She suffered tremendously.”

Meanwhile, The Baldwins cameras were already rolling while the case was ongoing, making for some fraught emotional scenes amid the benign look-at-all-these-kids chaos and cute family tableaus.

“It was an opportunity for us to actually speak,” Hilaria told People. “It was a really safe space. And I think it was also very cathartic, almost like a diary, during a very unsure time of our life. That felt both terrifying and like it could get us through day by day.”

And they never forgot about the suffering experienced by Halyna’s family, either, she noted. 

“A son lost his mom,” Hilaria said. “We are going to feel and carry that pain forever.” 

But, she continued, “We’re leaning into gratitude every single day. The simple beauties of life can get you through hard moments.”