On September 27, Theo Von took the stage at a storied New York venue for what was meant to be his latest Netflix special. Instead, the night spiraled into chaos. Attendees who sat through the cringey taping inside Beacon Theater took to social media to share their disappointment and concern for the conservative comedian.

What led to Theo Von’s Netflix disaster?

One fan posted to Reddit shortly after the show, “Saw Theo at Beacon Theater tonight for his Netflix taping (double ouch). 1/3 of the crowd walked out (myself included – and they seem to keep coming). Worst set I’ve ever seen.” The poster elaborated, “He didn’t know where he was in his set at any time, kept re-telling jokes, twice asked someone behind the stage what to do next, said multiple times ‘what’s next’ followed by cringiest/worst crowd work ever. I’ve never walked out of a show, ever. Lots and lots of people walking out with the same feedback of ‘that was terrible.’”

Another attendee wrote, “I was there, he restarted the show 3 times … then really just didn’t have his set memorized. I was top balcony and my friend and I left early and prob about 1/4 of the top balcony were also leaving early.” The erratic set prompted many audience members to express concern for his mental health. In one especially troubling moment, captured on a fan’s video from the front row, Von apologized for the unraveling show and admitted he was “trying not to take my own life.”

Theo Von explains what went wrong at his Netflix comedy special taping

Von likely felt that he owed fans an explanation for his bizarre behavior and troubling statements. Yesterday, he took to his podcast to assure listeners that he was not at risk of self-harm. The 45-year-old said he’d weaned himself off his prescribed antidepressants a month before the Netflix taping in an attempt to enhance his mental clarity.

Why risk quitting his meds? Von clarified, via Instagram, “During the comedy show, I wanted to have a little more emotion during it. I wanted to have this kind of like — I just wanted to have some more feelings. If you’ve ever taken antidepressants, or if you haven’t, it kind of takes away your feelings, you know? So you just kind of stay in this space where you’re okay.”

Things were going well for The Challenge alum until Charlie Kirk’s death on September 10. Add in his controversial involvement in a Department of Homeland Security deportation video — Von did not give the government office his permission to be included — and his mental health was rapidly declining.

Von said he even received a call from a government official offering him a security detail a week before the Beacon Theatre show, heightening his paranoia. As a result, he approached Saturday’s taping in a turbulent mental state, culminating in what became the most high-profile flop of his stand-up career.

Still, Von reassured fans he is not a danger to himself, despite fears sparked by his onstage remarks. Addressing the speculation, he stated, “If you’ve listened to my show or seen anything I’ve done, you know I say things. I would never take my own life. I would never take my own life.”

How to get help: To connect with mental health resources near you, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website.