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Confidence is a cornerstone in how children perform, grow, and face life’s challenges. It’s not just a trait but a vital component of their overall development and success. It influences everything from their academic achievements to their social interactions and personal happiness.
As Cindra Kamphoff, founder of the Mentally Strong Institute—a mental coaching organization for business leaders and athletes—explains, “Confidence is one of the strongest predictors of our performance, our happiness, and our success.” In her conversation with CNBC, she highlights the enduring nature of building confidence, noting, “Growing confidence is the work of a lifetime because there are setbacks and adversity that we face that impacts our confidence.”
Parents play a pivotal role in nurturing their children’s self-esteem, and Kamphoff emphasizes the importance of being vigilant for certain warning signs. “What your child says out loud about themselves can be revealing, especially if they’re stuck in a cycle of self-criticism,” she advises. Additionally, she suggests that parents pay attention to their child’s body language, which can be particularly telling when a child is hesitant or struggling to express their true feelings.
To better understand and address potential confidence issues, Kamphoff identifies three “red flags” that could indicate a child is experiencing a crisis of confidence and may benefit from a boost in self-esteem.
Here are three “red flags” that could signal that your child is suffering from a confidence crisis and could use a self-esteem boost.
Negative self-talk
One sign that a child is suffering from low self-esteem is that they are constantly “beating themselves up after failure.”
Kamphoff recommends that parents teach children to “reframe failure as an opportunity to learn something new.” Ensure that they know that failure is not the end, but simply the beginning of a new opportunity to try something a different way. Kamphoff encourages parents to “literally, physically [have kids] ‘shake it off’ as a way to help leave that failure in the past and move on with confidence to tackle another challenge.”
Excessive comparison
Another sign that your child is suffering from low self-esteem or low self-confidence is that they are continually comparing themselves with others.
“Comparison is a normal part of being human, because it allows us to understand our place in this world. But we typically don’t compare our whole self to the other person’s whole self,” Kamphoff says. She recommends that parents encourage their children to find aspects of the comparison that they can control and how does that aspect relate to what your child really wants.
Once the “want” is defined, help your child create a realistic plan to achieve the “it” for themselves.
Body language and low energy
If they are slouchy and always tired, this may be an indicator that your child may need a confidence boost. If you are noticing this, our expert recommends that parents respond with “PCR — pause, calm down, respond — which involves pausing to take a breath and calm down before considering how to respond to a difficult question or situation.”
“You can teach kids to regulate their emotions, and that’s going to really help them grow their confidence,” says Kamphoff. “Because, especially under pressure, when kids [and adults] can regulate themselves, that’s really key.”