LOS ANGELES (AP) — Erik Menendez was denied parole by a panel of California commissioners Thursday.

During his hearing, he offered his most detailed account in years of how he was raised and why he made the choices he did — both at the time of his parents’ killing and during his decades in prison.

He and his brother, Lyle, were sentenced to life in prison in 1996 for fatally shooting Jose and Kitty Menendez in their Beverly Hills mansion in 1989.

The state corrections department chose a single reporter to watch the videoconference and share details with the rest of the press.

Here’s a look at Erik’s remarks:

His upbringing

“I was not raised with a moral foundation,” he said.

“I was raised to lie, to cheat, to steal, steal in the sense, an abstract way. When I was playing tennis, my father would make sure that I cheated at certain times if he told me to. The idea that there is a right and wrong that I do not cross because it’s a moral bound was not instilled in me as a teenager.”

Relationship with his father

Menendez has said for years that he was sexually abused by his father. He told commissioners: “I fantasized about my father not being alive.”

Prosecutors asked why Menendez chose to kill his father rather than leave the family home, as he was already 18. He said, “In my mind, leaving meant death. There was no consideration. I was totally convinced there was no place I could go.”

He also spoke about the fear of his father: “It’s difficult to convey how terrifying my father was.”

The murders

The panel of commissioners asked Menendez why he killed his mother as well, if his father was the abuser.

Menendez explained that he did not see any difference between his parents because he found out that his mother knew about the abuse: “It was the most devastating moment in my entire life. It changed everything for me. I had been protecting her by not telling her.”

On shooting his mother: “I wish to God I did not do that.”

Breaking the prison rules

Commissioners focused on numerous rule violations Menendez committed in prison, including drinking alcohol, affiliating with a gang and having a cellphone.

On why he chose to use a cellphone: “What I got in terms of the phone and my connection with the outside world was far greater than the consequences of me getting caught with the phone.”

On substance abuse: “If I could numb my sadness with alcohol, I was going to do it … I would have taken other drugs to numb that pain … I was looking to ease that sadness within me.”

Changing his life

Menendez decided to become sober in 2013 and found faith, he said: “From 2013 on, I was living for a different purpose. My purpose in life was to be a good person … I asked myself, ‘Who do I want to be when I die?’ I believe I’m going to face a different parole board when I die.”

Why he was denied parole

A panel of two parole commissioners said Menendez was unsuitable for release. They said his actions in prison, including affiliating with a prison gang and having a cellphone in violation of the rules, showed he was a risk to public safety.

Commissioner Robert Barton said: “One can pose a risk to public safety in many ways, with several types of criminal behavior, including the ones you were guilty of in prison.”

Menendez can come before the parole board again in three years. Barton encouraged him to change his behavior.

“You have two options,” he said. “One is to have a pity party … and then you become a self-fulfilling prophecy, probably not getting granted next time. Or you can take to heart what we discussed.”