These days, the only “clothing optional” place I hang around in is the shower, but apparently “clothing optional” vacations are a real thing, including on cruise ships. It may come as some surprise that these cruises have some pretty well-defined rules for what is and is not appropriate, even if one is letting it all hang out.

Texas-based travel company, Bare Necessities, has been operating clothing-optional ship charters since 1990 and over the years, it has developed a set of rules to ensure that all passengers ‘enjoy a wonderful, stress-free, clothes-free experience.’

Bare Necessities’ nude cruises were thrust into the spotlight this week when a 67-year-old man opened up about his experiences aboard one of the ships – answering a host of questions from fascinated Reddit users about what life is like aboard the ship. 

What life is like, aside from the free-and-easy dress code in most places, is actually fairly well defined, with some rules for – yes – propriety.

For all of its excursions, it outlines nine key ‘decorum rules,’ with the first one being that all passengers must be dressed ‘throughout the entire vessel, including balconies,’ if the boat is docked in a port or while port authorities are on board. 

Clothing can only then be removed when an announcement by the captain or another staff member is made. 

The next rule touches on nudity when dining. 

Depending on the ship, the rules around clothing and the different restaurants varies. 

For instance, for one of its excursions on Norwegian Pearl, Bare Necessities tells passengers that the self-serve buffet on the pool deck is a clothes-free area but ‘clothing is required for all meals taken in the dining rooms.’

Naked bums on chairs aren’t the best idea, of course, as the chairs would be prone to streaking. Sitting on a towel is probably a good idea; washing the towel afterward is an even better idea.

Also, there is a fundamental rule of these kinds of outings and establishments, that being that the people who attend these clothing-optional events are usually the people you would rather see not only clothed but well-wrapped in a tarp.

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Interestingly, I have an old friend who is into the “naturist” movement. He attends a clothing-optional summer camp every year, and as I understand it, that camp has similar rules as the cruise ship described; no lingerie, no fetish wear, the normal rules of hygiene apply in dining areas, and so forth. He also insists that these are outings of like-minded people who enjoy the summer sun – all over – and not orgies, as the uninitiated might think.

There’s a rumor circulating that these cruises are a great place to shop for what my grandmother referred to as “small clothes.” I hear that, in the gift shops on these ships, underwear is 100% off. The problem is, that most of the people aren’t on that cruise to shop for clothing. Last I heard, most of these cruise ships’ apparel shops were clothed for the season. That came after the start of a bare market for vendors of souvenir clothing, though.

This seems appropriate.