Share and Follow
Hollywood barely gave us a moment to process the cancellation of Star Trek: Starfleet Academy before dropping another bombshell on fans of cherished franchises. The latest to undergo a transformation is The Lord of the Rings film series, now being reimagined by the “veteran” screenwriter Stephen Colbert.
Yes, the very same Stephen Colbert.
Interestingly, Colbert is venturing into the realm of screenwriting, although none of his scripts have yet graced the silver screen. To add a familial twist, he’s collaborating with his son on this project, who also lacks a portfolio of produced feature films.
Are we about to witness a transformation akin to the recent iterations of Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Charlie’s Angels, and Men in Black? It certainly seems like it.
They’re gonna Star Wars this thing aren’t they? They’re gonna Indiana Jones/Charlie’s Angels/Men in Black this thing, aren’t they?
Not being a fantasy fan (unless it involves glorious 1980s nudity — hello, Beastmaster), this news takes no skin off of my nose. Still, I do know how sacred Rings fans hold the original trilogy. In that way, they are similar to Star Wars fans inasmuch as even the three lousy, stillborn prequels that followed could not dim their passion.
To further the analogy, let’s compare Amazon’s disastrous Rings of Power to the Star Wars Holiday Special.
Oh, they’ve tried to alienate the fans with those lousy prequels and woke TV shows. Having failed to do so, on this day they wheeled out the MOALNB, the Mother of All Late Night Bombs, someone who will immediately alienate 53 percent of the population with his smug politics and 35 percent of the population with his sense of entitlement. That leaves an audience made up of only snotty white women who don’t like fantasy, unless it includes unicorns having abortions in safe spaces with toned illegal aliens named Pancho greasing them up for back rubs, all taking place to the background hum of a vibrator set on “Pool Boy.”
If you thought Peter Jackson was above elites eliting, sorry. Whoever the villain turns out to be in The Lord of the Rings: Shadows of the Past, you can bet he’ll be orange and work for CBS because if there’s one thing you can count on with Stephen Colbert, it’s that Stephen Colbert makes everything about Stephen Colbert.
By the way, this is all a Hollywood inside joke… A poison pill… A fistful of hate-sand tossed onto the gears of the biggest franchise Warner Bros. has.
This is all about the upcoming merger between Warner Bros. and Skydance.
See if you can follow me…
David Ellison is friendly with President Trump. David Ellison owns Skydance. Right before Skydance takes ownership of CBS, CBS humiliates Trump-hater Colbert by not only firing him but revealing he’s losing the network upwards of $40 million per year.
Fast-forward to today…
David Ellison buys Warner Bros. Hey, David: Ha ha! Now you have to pay that inexperienced loser Colbert to guide your most lucrative franchise! Did we mention ha ha?
It’s not about money, and it’s certainly not about the art. The only thing that buys status in the cult of Hollywood anymore is politics, and the further left those politics, the more status. So, yeah, once you figure that out, hiring a failed and divisive Late Night host to write the screenplay of a beloved, billion-dollar film franchise totally tracks.