Regular readers know I keep a running list of public figures whose conduct catches my attention. I work through it at my own pace, sometimes publishing the column and sometimes filing it away after the lawyers make their feelings clear.
My targets are usually celebrities and influencers whose behaviour is so grating or outrageous that ignoring it becomes impossible.
That brings me back, for the third time in three months, to Constance Hall — the woman who has crowned herself the ‘queen’ of something or other. Her relationship with Denim Cooke has been so turbulent that even a notoriously awkward QF433 Sydney-to-Melbourne landing would seem calm by comparison.
Yet I have to confess that I’m beginning to warm to Connie, despite the 12-minute Facebook tirade she directed at me after I described Denz as ‘feral’.
I am not one to hold a grudge. I also admire people who appear genuine, and in an online world filled with Instagram mothers whose children, homes, cars and husbands seem to come in matching shades of beige, Constance has always felt strangely authentic.
There is a reason she has built an audience of 1.2 million on Facebook. For 11 years, she has been one of the defining figures of the mummy-blogger era. You may love her or dislike her, but her ability to remain relevant is difficult to dispute.
The mother of six is chaotic, outspoken and apparently unable — or unwilling — to keep much of her personal life offline. Oddly enough, that is part of her appeal. I suspect we might even get along, provided she can one day forgive me for my comments about her husband.
It is her marriage to Denim, however, that I have never quite understood. After writing two columns about what I saw as their toxic dynamic, I believed I had exhausted the subject. The incident involving a rescue lorikeet Constance was attempting to nurse back to health felt, to me, like the final breaking point.
Amanda Goff, pictured, believed she had finished weighing in on Constance Hall. She soon discovered there was more to say
On Tuesday, Constance Hall, pictured, turned her attention to her followers — a risky move when those followers helped build her powerful personal brand
She objected to the repeated demands that she leave Denim following the controversy dubbed ‘Birdgate’. Constance and Denim are pictured
I had made my argument twice, annoyed some of her supporters and promised myself I would leave the subject alone. There are, after all, plenty of other celebrities capable of irritating me.
Then she did it again. On Tuesday, Constance uploaded another 11-minute video — one I almost skipped. I wondered what could possibly remain to discuss. As it turned out, quite a lot. This time, instead of simply rolling my eyes and reaching for my notebook, I felt something I had not expected: sympathy.
I am not suddenly going soft. But for the first time, I thought I saw the bravado fall away. The loud, defiant online persona was briefly replaced by someone who looked exhausted, isolated and profoundly sad.
This time, Constance opened by confronting her own audience — a particularly daring decision when those same followers are central to the success of her brand.
She was angry about the ongoing calls for her to leave Denim after ‘Birdgate’. After 11 years of documenting her life online, she said she had reached her limit with female followers whom she labelled ‘misogynists disguised as feminists’ because they wanted her to end the relationship.
The comments that prompted her frustration included messages such as: ‘Bird killer still around then?’, ‘Didn’t your husband kill a bird for no reason?’ and simply, ‘Leave him.’
The message was clear: many of her followers appear to have reached the end of their patience.
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But the most affecting moment came when Constance began to cry. Through the tears, she said: ‘I have this one person who helps me deal with my six kids and two dogs.’
Constance became tearful while telling followers that Denim is the ‘one person’ who helps her care for her six children and two dogs
Constance’s ‘queens’ have really turned on her since she revealed Denim killed a bird she was trying to nurse back to health
One commenter asked: ‘Bird killer still around then?’
And that person is Denim, the bird killer.
Honestly? That’s where she got me.
For the first time, I wasn’t watching a loud, gobby blogger defiantly standing up for herself; I was watching a defeated woman who sounded frightened of being on her own.
She said she has one person, just one person, to help her deal with her family.
And that was the saddest part of the video: the fact she thinks the feral Denim, who killed a rescue bird with his own hands despite Constance pleading with him not to, is truly her only option.
Now, I’ve known enough women in unhappy marriages who are too scared to leave: for financial reasons, fear of starting again, the kids. Women who convince themselves they can’t possibly manage without their partners. One friend stays with her cheating husband because she ‘has anxiety’ and he is her ‘safety person’.
Hm, so safe he can’t keep it in his pants. She has decided staying is easier than leaving, even when staying comes at the cost of her mental health. Now she’s an anorexic, pill-popping alcoholic mess – all because she thinks staying in a toxic marriage is better than being alone.
I just don’t get it. The loneliest I’ve ever felt was lying back-to-back with a man I no longer loved, who no longer loved me. I left. Hard yes, but not as hard as staying.
Here’s what I can’t get past: Constance built her career on female empowerment – championing strength, independence and rejecting judgement.
Yet when her own loyal followers question her choices, refuse to be gaslit about her marriage, she doesn’t hear their genuine concern – only sees betrayal.
That’s the crux of it: Constance urges women to speak up, but only so long as they don’t question her.
Connie, you can’t spend more than a decade profiting from sharing your life, then turn around and call the very women who made you successful ‘misogynists’ simply because they urge you to leave your husband.
You told them to be outspoken and fearless. Don’t try to silence them just because you don’t like what they’re saying now.
You built an empire telling women they deserve better. It’s time to believe that yourself.