My mother always had an intriguing theory: if humans ever faced extinction, raccoons would likely be the next intelligent species to dominate our planet. Her reasoning is quite compelling. The North American raccoon, scientifically known as Procyon lotor, is an exceptional creature. These animals are remarkably intelligent and versatile, capable of thriving in diverse environments. Their dexterous paws can unlock doors and open sealed containers with surprising ease.

In the past, my parents engaged in a battle of wits with raccoons, primarily to defend my dad’s large steel bin filled with birdseed. These crafty creatures managed to remove bungee cords securing the lid and unfasten hasps. Eventually, my dad resorted to chaining and padlocking the lid to thwart their persistent attempts.

Recently, raccoons have demonstrated yet another aspect of human-like behavior. In Virginia, a mischievous raccoon broke into a liquor store, indulged in some spirits, and ended up drunkenly passing out in the bathroom. This incident highlights how these masked marauders might be inching closer to mimicking human actions.

While one person’s trash might be a raccoon’s treasure, this particular raccoon seemed intent on skipping a few evolutionary steps by indulging in a classic human pastime: drinking and passing out. It’s safe to say he didn’t anticipate the hangover that awaited him later.

Hopefully, this raccoon was savvy enough to sample the finer spirits, although a 15-year-old Glenlivet would be quite an extravagant choice for a five-pound party animal.

The suspect acted like an animal because, in fact, he’s a raccoon.

On Saturday morning, an employee at the Ashland, Virginia-area liquor store found the trash panda passed out on the bathroom floor at the end of his drunken escapade.

One person’s trash may be a raccoon’s treasure, but in this case, the trash panda in question seemed to want to skip up a few steps, species-wise, and emulate classical human behavior: Getting drunk and passing out. It’s a safe bet he didn’t raccoon with the hangover he’ll be suffering later.

Let’s hope he at least was smart enough to get into the good stuff, although something like a 15-year-old Glenlivet seems wasted on a five-pound trash panda.