Woman Fears Reta Is Making Her Fall Out of Love With Her Husband

Dear Jana,

A friend of mine lost a significant amount of weight using a new peptide called retatrutide, or “reta”. After seeing how effective it had been for her, I decided to try it myself.

She introduced me to a man at her gym who sells it. I realise that sounds questionable, but I told myself that she was using it and appeared to be fine.

Several months later, I have lost weight and feel more comfortable in my body than I have in years. But another change has been harder to ignore: I have almost no desire for my husband to touch me.

We have been married for 12 years and have always been affectionate and physically close. We were not having passionate sex every night, but I still wanted to rip his clothes off fairly often.

Now, when he kisses me, I find myself hoping it will not lead to anything more. I have even started going to bed before him and pretending to be asleep so I can avoid having to make an excuse.

Last week, he told me, “You seem happier with yourself, but less happy with me.” I wanted to reassure him, but I could not honestly say that he was imagining it.

He has not done anything wrong. Even cuddling on the sofa now feels like something I am doing simply to keep him happy. I cannot tell whether my sex drive has vanished or whether my feelings for him have changed.

I have been reading posts from other people who say they felt emotionally numb or lost interest in their partners after taking reta, and it has frightened me.

Have I fallen out of love with my husband, or could the substance I am taking be affecting my emotions? I wanted to lose weight, not my marriage.

Losing More Than Weight

Dear Losing More Than Weight,

I have taken Mounjaro myself. It is a different weight-loss medication, of course, but in broad terms, you could say the experiences have some similarities. In the early stages, my sex drive was certainly not at its peak.

For the first two days after an injection, I felt exhausted. My energy was low and getting undressed was hardly at the top of my list. On the other hand, seeing the number on the scales fall brought a kind of euphoria that, dare I say it, felt better than sex.

Fortunately, that sensation eventually faded for me. I cannot say with certainty whether time was responsible or whether the change happened because I stopped taking it.

So, before you start dividing up the furniture in your mind, give yourself some time to understand what is happening. The question I would ask is this: has everyone lost their appeal, or is it only your husband? If your favourite celebrity crush suddenly appeared and suggested you get together, would you still feel that familiar flutter?

If you still have sexy thoughts about other men but pull away when your husband leans in to kiss you, there may be more going on than a general loss of libido.

I would arrange an appointment with your doctor and be completely honest about what you have been taking. They have almost certainly heard similar concerns before. You need proper medical advice, not a reassuring answer from a gym supplier who is, of course, breaking the law by selling it to you. Get a clearer picture of the possible effects before deciding that your husband—or your marriage—is the problem.

And tell your husband what’s happening before he fills in the blanks himself. ‘I’ve noticed my desire has changed and it’s worrying me’ gives him a lot more to work with than your fake snores.

There’s also something kind of maddening about finally feeling good naked, only to discover you have very little interest in doing anything naked. You’re allowed to be disappointed by that, even if you’re thrilled with the weight loss. 

So speak to your doctor, assess whether you can still get horny in general and perhaps… try something prescribed by a doctor not a gym bro?

Thankfully, there are also weight-loss options out there that still let you be randy. All is not lost.

Dear Jana,

I’m 41 and dating with the hope of getting married. I’ve never been married or had children, and I’d love to meet a man around my age, or a little older, who hasn’t done either of those things.

EXPLORE MORE: Tennessee Prisons Chief Resigns After Failed Christa Pike Execution

My friends keep telling me I’m ruling out good men for no reason. I’ve dated divorced dads before, and some of them were great. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that the wedding and the big decisions about family had already happened for them. I want to share those firsts with someone.

Recently I met a lovely divorced man with two children, and my friends are urging me to give him a chance. Part of me wants to. Another part worries I’d be talking myself out of something that matters to me because I’m afraid of running out of time.

Am I being too picky, or is this a fair thing to want?

Waiting for Our Firsts

Dear Waiting for Our Firsts,

First of all, I get it. Trust me, I get it. The little girl dreaming about her wedding thought it would come much earlier, to a tall, dark and handsome man who would be her knight in shining armour forever. Not divorced Barry with two kids.

But fairytales are sadly not real life, and upon reflection, I believe those stories gave us a distorted sense of reality.

But yes, there is something very sweet about imagining you and your fella both nervously standing at the altar for the first time, figuring out this whole marriage business together.

But girl, I’d be careful about assuming a man who’s done it before has nothing special left to experience with you. The vows he makes to you wouldn’t count for less because he once made promises to someone else. 

Sheesh, we’ve all got exes we’ve made plenty of promises to, until life proved otherwise. His just happened to be in a church.

I understand wanting to be someone’s first wife. But would you pass up the chance to be deeply loved by a wonderful man because someone else got there first? Sit with that for a second.

And a man who’s never married isn’t necessarily better prepared to be a husband. Personally, I can see the appeal of someone who’s already learnt a few lessons from a ‘starter marriage’ as I like to call them. 

Divorce can be a bloody expensive education, and someone who’s taken an honest look at where they went wrong may be keen to do things differently.

So rather than a Peter Pan who never grew up (I mean, never got married) I’d be focusing on a guy who has perhaps learnt a thing or two. An untouched wedding registry tells you very little about how someone behaves when life gets difficult.

The only exclusion being, any divorcee who ends every story with his ex-wife being ‘a psycho’. Red flag. Avoid.

This might be a tough question to answer, but I’d ponder whether you want a particular future, or just a particular backstory?

Wanting a man who’s excited about marriage and shares your hopes for a family is a mighty fine standard. But yes, I’ve got to side with your friends on this one, wanting him to have arrived at 41 without ever having either is a tad wishful thinking.

You’re entitled to it, but you need to decide how much it matters if someone otherwise wonderful comes along.

Plus, not to state the obvious, but in our 40s, plenty of men have already been snapped up. The dating pool is smaller, so why shrink it further?

Now, the children deserve separate consideration. I was having this chat with a friend recently and admitted that a man with grown-up kids could suit me beautifully. I don’t want children of my own, so being with someone who’s already had that chapter could work well for me. There would still be family commitments, of course, but I wouldn’t necessarily be signing up for the day-to-day job of raising young children. Chef’s kiss.

That’s an option?

But your situation may be different. If you want children of your own, you need to know whether he genuinely wants to do that again. That matters way more than whether he’s done it before.

Dating a dad also means entering a life with existing responsibilities, and his children will sometimes need him when you’d like him to yourself. If that’s a life you don’t want, be honest. You won’t do anyone a favour by pretending you’re comfortable with it and quietly resenting it later.

Ultimately, you’re the one who has to fancy him, so put your friends’ opinions aside and ask yourself whether you’d like to see him again. If you’re looking forward to his messages and curious to know more about him, go for another dinner. You can take your time getting to know him and see how you feel as things develop.

Keep your standards for how you’re loved high. You might find that a man with a different past from the one you imagined wants exactly the same future as you.